How to Revitalize Your Relationship with God

Yom Kippur – The Day of Return

5-1/2 minutes to read

Yom Kippur, celebrated on the 10^th of Tishrei, is the final day of the Aseres Y’mai Teshuva – the Ten Days of Return/Repentance that began on Rosh Hashanah. On this day we become like angels, completely spiritual beings, whose only purpose is to serve G-d. We separate ourselves from as much of the physical world as possible.

Essence

The Talmud, says, "There were no holidays as joyous for the Jewish people as the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur …"

Yom Kippur seems like a somber time. But consider that it is the day you pray for G-d’s forgiveness and renewal for another year of life. That puts it in a different light.

On Yom Kippur and Tu B’Av (the 15th of Av), young women lent from their best clothes to friends whose garments were not as nice. That way none would get embarrassed by her clothing. Then the young women would gather outside Jerusalem in the vineyards and dance. All the unmarried young men would go out to watch. The concern of men and women mixing was relatively relaxed. The fasts of Yom Kippur and Tisha B’Av (six days before Tu B'Av) focused everyone’s mind on a higher level.

As they danced, the young women would say a verse from Proverbs 31:30, “Young man, lift up your eyes and choose wisely. Don’t look only at physical beauty, look rather at the family, ‘For charm is false, and beauty is vanity. A G-d fearing woman is the one to be praised...’”

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Young people focused on finding a marriage partner. What could be more joyous than that?

Practices

For the ten days before Yom Kippur, work to repair your human relationships. Ask forgiveness for past misdeeds. Forgive those who hurt you. Reach out with love. Then, seek to repair your relationship with the Almighty. You feel disappointment if loved ones, especially your children, go astray. So too, G-d feels sad at the distance between you. He waits patiently for you to make amends and to reconcile with Him. Are you up to the task?

Strive to regain your ideal self-image by the time Yom Kippur arrives. Who do you want and imagine you can be? At the same time, aim to reconnect with G-d. He gave you life and enables you to dream and realize your wonderful image.

Angels stand upright in their behavior. They cannot do anything other than that for which G-d created them. So we stand and pray in the synagogue most of Yom Kippur. Angels are “dressed” in white. So by custom, we wear white cloths or a kittel, a white garment that looks like a lab coat, and a talis, a prayer shawl with fringes on its four corners. Angels do not eat or drink. So we refrain from doing so.

There are five aspects to the Yom Kippur fast:

1. No eating or drinking.

2. No washing even the smallest part of our bodies (Why would a completely spiritual being need to bathe?).

3. No applying lotions or oils to our skin.

4. No marital relations.

5. No wearing leather shoes.

By minimizing your physical needs, you can focus on the spiritual aspect of your life. Thus you can better connect with G-d.

Preparation

G-d is your commanding officer. He gave you life. You are responsible to Him for how you use or abuse it. On the High Holidays, He debriefs your fitness report.

During this ten-day conference, work to do three things: 1. Confess your mistakes, 2. Feel regret for them, and 3. Make a resolution to change. The Al Cheit, a recitation of sins, and the V’dui, confession, can help you come to terms with the general categories of your mistakes and the areas of your life in which you fell short. So come prepared with an accounting of your life for the past year. That way you can apply these prayers to your specific situation.

Do your homework. Know your accounting well so you don't get distracted trying to recall the past. Come to terms with how you've hurt yourself. Time spent in silent prayer will allow for introspection. You'll be able to focus on your confession and on feeling regret. Eliminate anything that might distract you from this experience.

Understand the challenges you still face in life. Then your prayers will help you to see your great potential, the kind of life you could lead if you commit to change. Resolve to act in a more G-d-like way. Take the crucial first step toward making the coming year your best one ever.

Now is a good time to review the Yom Kippur machtzor, or prayer book. Prepare for this holiest day of the year like you would for a crucial meeting.

In the early afternoon, eat a festive meal to fortify yourself for the 25 hours of fasting beginning that night.

In final preparation for the fast, eat the Seudah HaMafsekes. This is a light meal of fowl or fish instead of meat. Avoid salty or spicy foods and alcoholic beverages. End it with an egg dipped in ashes. Eat this meal while sitting on a low chair or stool. Thus you taper off your involvement in earth-bound delights.

Inspiration

A story: Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev appeared uncharacteristically depressed. His disciples became deeply concerned. The sight of his eyes red from crying filled them with foreboding. What did Rabbi Levi know that they didn't?

A few days before Yom Kippur, he called his gabbai, secretary, to speak with him about some business. Rabbi Levi had noticed many more people coming to him with a kvitel, a request that he pray for them on the Holy Day. He had decided to set a fixed price for the pidyon nefesh, the donation made with a kvitel, of two groschen per person for whom he prayed. This was a small amount. But to a poor person, it seemed to defy traditional practice where each person decided the amount. Though surprised, his gabbai nonetheless strictly enforced the rule.

All the pious people of the village felt that this year something must be different. They decided to get their kvitels and groschen to the gabbai as soon as possible. Some tried to negotiate the amount but the gabbai was adamant. No exceptions.

The afternoon before Yom Kippur a poor, widowed woman with a small child approached the gabbai with her kvitel. She begged him to accept it without any money. She had none. Or if not without money, then could she pledge to pay as soon as possible? He would not budge. She appealed to Rabbi Levi, but kindly he explained to her that even in her case he would not make an exception. She would have to pay four groschen for her and her baby.

Now more desperate than ever, the widow left, resolved to find the money. The time for prayer drew close and Rabbi Levi remained very melancholy. Moments before Kol Nidre, the opening prayer for Yom Kippur was to begin, he saw the small figure of the widow hurrying toward his house. Thanking G-d that he had not left yet, the widow handed her kvitel to Rabbi Levi with two groschen. She said, “Rebbe, please pray for me and for my only child that we will be inscribed in the Book of Life!”

Rabbi Levi protested that since she had only two groschen he could only pray for one of them. Begging him now, the poor widow cried that despite running all day she had not been able to collect more. She promised to pay the rest next week. He insisted, with only two groschen, he could only pray for one person, asking her for whom should he pray? Her fingers trembling, the widow crossed out her name on her kvitel crying, “Pray for my Shloimeleh, Rebbe.”

Hearing these words, Rabbi Levi Yitzchak’s face beamed and the fire of his eyes reignited. Raising his hand grasping the widow’s kvitel and two groschen he cried out, “Father in Heaven! Look! Look what a mother is willing to do for her child! And You? Will it be said that you will do anything less for Your children? Can You look this woman in the eye and refuse to grant Your children a year of life, health, and happiness?”

May your prayers ascend to heaven and move the Creator to seal you in the books of good life, redemption and salvation, sustenance and support, merits and forgiveness, and pardon.

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