Kevin Bemel ·
Why Marital Strife is G-d’s Gift
Parsha Nugget Bereishis – Genesis 1:1-6:8
Marriage is challenging, even at the best of times. But I have seen countless movies and I am certain how it works. Though rocky at first, couples live happily ever after. Hollywood must not have read the relevant verses of Parshas Bereishis:
“. . . it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make for him a helper against him.” (Genesis/Bereishis 2:18)
The parsha for this Sabbath is the first of the new cycle, Bereishis. In it is the story of creation, how Adam and Eve sinned and were thrown out of the Garden of Eden, the conflict between Cain and Abel, and the ten generations between Adam and Noah. Is it not wonderful to be reading the great stories of the Torah again?
When the Torah recounts the creation of the first human in verse 1:27 it says: “And G-d created man in His image, in the image of G-d He created him, male and female He created them.” Notice that the first human being contained both genders. Later, in verses 2:21-22 the Almighty separates out Adam’s female side and creates Eve as a separate person. Why not create a man and a woman from the beginning? Why go to such trouble?
Bereshis Rabbah 17:4 explains G-d knew, as indicated in verse 2:18 above, that Adam should not be alone. But He waited until Adam complained about being lonely so He could rebut Adam’s complaint that Eve caused him to sin. Can you hear the Almighty? “First you complain about being alone, then when I give you a companion you blame her for your mistakes.”
So if Eve came from Adam, why is she “a helper AGAINST him?”
The Hebrew word for “against him,” kenegdo, can also mean, “meets him.”
In the Talmud, Yevamos 63a, R. Eleazar points out if a man is worthy his wife meets him, connects with him in a healthy way. If is a man is unworthy his wife chastises him, that is she is against him.
Consider the potential of the two. A man and a woman are one flesh. Their connection is like two puzzle pieces coming together to form a strong bond. If you have ever picked up a puzzle you have seen that the pieces usually remain linked. Often only after vigorous shaking will they detach. Such is the nature of marriage. G-d has given husbands an early warning device. When a man creates marital strife, his wife changes from meeting him to being against him.
Marital strife, like all of life’s challenges, is your opportunity to examine your behavior and determine where you have strayed from the path G-d has delineated. A wife’s fundamental nature as a helper shouldn't change when she shifts from connecting with her husband's needs to being a critic. When she opposes her husband’s behavior, she must aid him to return to the correct path.
Question – Who do you think has the more difficult job, a husband or a wife?
You can leave a comment on this question or ask another question below ↓
Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. Its name comes from the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.
Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!
