Kevin Bemel ·
If You Do Not Set Your Self-Image Now – Someone Else May
As long as you think that the cause of your problem is out there, as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering, the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim that you are suffering in paradise. - Byron Katie
While the navy is not Shangri-La, a lot of sailors are needlessly suffering. They have convinced themselves they are helpless in the face of persecution by the navy or another sailor. Strangely enough, often the real victims do not perceive themselves as such and lead happier lives. What is going on here?
For the first couple of years I was in the real estate business I resented having to ask rich people to hire my company to manage their property. I had been taught that anyone who was wealthy had cheated or stolen their way to prosperity. Worse, they were out to victimize me. Yet how was I going to make any money if I feared and despised the people who had property and needed someone like me to handle it?
My conflict was solved when I started meeting wealthy people involved with a local charity. Imagine my surprise when I found they were polite, kind, generous, and interested in working with me. Fortunately, I realized that the problem was my victimhood attitude. When I altered my outlook my business prospered.
This is not to minimize your suffering if you have been assaulted or otherwise brutalized. Your recovery may require that you acknowledge having been victimized. However, it will be counterproductive to label yourself as a victim, as if this is a permanent state.
Here is the reality: there are nasty people in our society. I had the misfortune to be hired by a couple of them. Two of the happiest days of my life were when I fired them. They tried to bully my staff and me. But having previously decided I would not be a victim in the end they failed.
There are two important questions for you to answer about yourself:
- Do I perceive myself as a victim?
- Will I allow myself to be victimized?
If you do not perceive yourself as a victim them someone will be hard pressed to persecute you. The reverse is also true. In many cases, perception will create reality.
Undoubtedly there are criminals, bigots, and jerks who will take advantage of you. Will you let them define who you are or deny them the satisfaction?
Question – Are there situations where victimhood is permanent?
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