Kevin Bemel ·
2 Steps to Better Communication
When I have work to do it engrosses me. Yet, since I operate out of a home office my family has access to me most of the time. Inevitably we clash when they want my full attention and I need to stay focused and productive. One of the most common verses in the Torah and the name of this week’s parsha, Vayikra, demonstrates proper communication:
“He called to Moses, and G-d spoke to him from the Tent of Meeting saying” (Vayikra/Leviticus 1:1).
This week’s parsha begins the third book of the Torah by the same name. Its other name, Leviticus, refers to its detailing the duties of the Kohanim or Priests, who are part of the tribe of Levi. The parsha gives the rules for the bringing of offerings on the altar. Notice in verse 2:13 that the offerings must be salted, hence the reason on the Sabbath the bread is dipped in salt.
As often as the verse quoted above appears in the Torah it would seem not worthy of contemplation.
While you might think that Moses was ever ready to hear from G-d, nonetheless the Almighty always took steps to prepare him. G-d called to him, not in a gruff way, but kindly saying “Moses, Moses.” And Moses always answered “hineini,” meaning “here I am” or more loosely “I am ready.” By doing this G-d did not startle Moses but gave him time to prepare himself. And Moses having done so conveyed his state of openness and readiness.
The repetition shows that no matter how often they interacted they extended this courtesy to each other every time. They were neither perfunctory about their communication nor casual in their dealings. G-d and Moses habituated the steps to connecting so the focus could be on their dialogue.
Treat Communication with Your Family Like G-d & Moses
When my communication with my spouse or daughter goes awry, I can almost always trace it back to one of us being unprepared for dialoguing. Sometimes, our initial approach lacked G-d’s kindly inquiry about the other’s readiness to engage. Or we did not respond openly and attentively.
Whether dealing with a family member, friend, or colleague begin by calling to him or her respectfully or affectionately. Call the person by name so as to convey the warmth underlying your wish to interact. Give the person a few moments to prepare. Wait for a reply so you can ascertain his or her frame of mind. Will what you say will be understood and appreciated?
Because we are busy, my wife and I try to skip the preliminaries. But we can't shortcut the process that G-d and Moses modeled throughout their relationship. Fortunately, we have numerous times each day to practice approaching each other gently and courteously. As we habituate setting the proper tone for communicating, our marriage improves immeasurably.
How do you create the proper conditions for good communication?
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Every year beginning on Simchas Torah, the cycle of reading the Torah, the first five books of the Bible, ends and begins again. Each Sabbath a portion known as a sedra or parsha is read. It is named after the first significant word or two with which this weekly reading begins.
Do you have a question about the Old Testament? Ask it here and I will answer it in a future Parsha Nugget!
