0:03 Who are you and where are you going? What do you want? [Music] Hello and welcome to Jiggers's Place. I'm your host, Kevin Bemel, and I'm here every other Thursday to have a cocktail with you and relax as we head into the end of the week. So, this particular week, tomorrow is uh Independence Day.
0:41 So, for many people, um the week is already over. It's it's like I said, it's 5:00 p. p.m. here on the Pacific Coast. It's 8 8:00 p.m. on the East Coast. And I think a lot of people probably took off early from work uh to enjoy the uh the holiday and and and that's as it should be. Um so we're really kind of an end of the week uh show here this week. Although tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. I will be doing a special edition of the Way to Wow shows uh in honor of Independence Day. So, if
1:16 you saw any of my social media posts, you know that my topic for today is etiquette. And I've been explaining that it's not the stuffy set of rules that uh people often associate with with that term. Um, but we're I'm really going to, you know, dig into this, I think, in a in a solid way. I've been a a student of etiquette for for decades. Uh I was I was raised in a time where children were were taught etiquette and but I'll talk about that uh uh after after we mix our
1:53 cocktail. So um today's uh today's uh cocktail is called the the the social graces. So as you know my [ __ ] my co-cocktail designer chat GPT and I work on these. This is a This is a vodka cocktail. And I'm going to be using just my my uh my my rack von vodka here. This is good old Smirnoffs triple distilled. Um for those of you who are vodka drinkers, I think oftentimes um
2:30 you think you well you h have to drink uh you know I've got some down here. I've got the, you know, the gray goose or uh the the kettle one, right? I've got some other ones here. I've got Belvadier. I've got um I've got an Icelandic vodka. All different kinds of vodkas. But the reality is vodka is distilled can be distilled from just about anything. uh grain, beets, um all kinds of stuff. It's really just liquor in its purest
3:07 form. It has no taste. So, unless you're dealing with something that's been very, you know, very very cheap and has been badly distilled, uh vodka has no taste. So, uh it it doesn't really matter. Um and in in a blind taste test, uh interestingly enough, Smirnoff uh reigned supreme. So, it also is reminiscent for those of you who remember such things of um when when there were liquor ads in magazines and there was a famous vodka ad that that
3:42 Woody Allen did and it was for Smirnoff vodka. This was back in the 1960s. So, it was a takeoff on James Bond who drank vodka martinis if you recall. So, anyway, we have we have our Smirnoff vodka. We have strawberry lure. I if if you're getting the recipes, you see I I mentioned a couple of well-known ones. Uh neither of which are kosher. So, um this is Mirrors. Uh this is a kosher strawberry lure that I got when when last I was in Israel. And then uh some lemon juice. I'm using the Trader Joe's
4:18 lemon juice. I I don't have fresh squeezed, although fresh squeeze is always great. Some uh drive vermouth. I'm using martini dry vermouth and then um bitterman's burlesque bitters um this bitter bitterman's has a whole variety 3 6 9 12 I have 15 different varieties of bitterman's bit bters they're all fantastic and so I commend them to you and uh then we're going to make it in a shaker oh I've also got my siphon here for a little soda water we're going to pour it into a niconora glass. You can
4:55 see this is kind of a unique shape. It's uh uh it's not really a wine glass, but it's not a coupe either. So, I thought that would be fun. Okay, so we're going to start out with 2 oz of vodka. Okay. And then we're going to follow that up with a half ounce each of the uh Oops.
5:31 of the strawberry liquor. Okay. I just want to make sure I have the right. And of course, the cocktail is going to turn out to be pink because of the strawberry liquor. We'll deal with that later. and lemon juice. So, lur have a sweetness to them. That's essentially what differentiates them
6:06 between a fruit brandy and a lur is a lucure is sweeter. Okay. Half ounce of dry vermouth. You can see this bottle's almost ready to go. Okay. And we're going to put in the bitters. Two dashes.
6:41 And now we're going to shake it up. I always I always remind you that we're shaking. Oh no. Oh boy. Uh oh. My my cap came off. Uh we always shake it to u not just mix things, but to um to melt some of the ice. Uh the water opens up the flavors. Going to grab a towel here. I'm going to
7:18 uh Oh boy. Pink liquor on white includes. Woohoo. It's time to start out the weekend. Okay, I think we've got it. All right, finish shaking it. Okay. And we're going to pour it into our Nickora glass. The Nickonora glass comes from uh the thin man. Nick and Norora Charles
7:54 are the main are the characters and they were known to embibe Martinis. The book is wonderful. Uh different than the movies. The movies star William Powell and Maoy. They're all terrific. There's five of them as I recall. We're going to garnish this with a little slice of lemon. You can see this is a lovely pink shade. And here we go. Let's try it. Very nice. Okay,
8:31 I will meet you over on the sofa. Oops.
9:17 Ah, so here we are. I took an extra moment to dry myself a little bit more. Have another sip here. I'm going to drop this slice of strawberry into the cocktail. It's nice. Okay. So, aside from, as I mentioned in the beginning, being a student of etiquette for a long,
9:55 long time, for the last oh, a couple of weeks or so, I've been watching an old TV show called Family Affair. So, the show stars Brian Keith as a bachelor, a very wealthy or a fairly wealthy bachelor living in an apartment in Manhattan. I suspect it's on the Upper East Side. Um although I don't recall them ever mentioning specifically where in Manhattan it is. And uh and it also stars Sebastian Kitt who plays
10:31 um Brian Keith's character uh Davis William Davis I think it is. Yeah, the William Davis. Yeah, William Davis is is the Bachelor played by Brian Keith and Sebastian Kitt is his gentleman's gentleman. Uh not really a butler, not really a cook. um not really a housekeeper, kind of a combination of all three. And in the first episode of the show, um uh we learn that uh uh Mr. Davis's
11:08 brother and sister-in-law have been killed and uh another sister of his brings their three children to New York to live with him basically. And so you you know it's a situation comedy. Of course there's very young twins. I think they're supposed to be four or five years old at the beginning of the show and a teenager [ __ ] who I think at the beginning of the show is around 15 years old. And it's about you know them all learning to live together and all of that. Now uh
11:43 Sebastian Kat is the gentleman's gentleman Mr. French, notwithstanding his name or the character's name, he's an Englishman. And so he puts a a high value on raising well-mannered children. And I was noticing when I was watching the show last night that uh Buffy and Jodie, the young twins, who are I'm watching the third season now, so I think they're they're six in this season, six or seven. They are extraordinarily well-mannered and and
12:18 yet they're vibrant children. Um they're they're not cowled or anything like that. They they laugh, they they yell, they yell, you know, with joy. They they they cry when they're hurt. Um and and yes, of course, it's a TV show. Um, but I think that there's a message that that the writers and directors of the show were making, and that is uh children can be well-mannered and also be
12:53 children in in in all that that means. Those are not contradictory concepts. And uh you know as a leadin to a show on etiquette I thought uh if you've never seen Family Affair you can watch it for free on on Tuby. That's where I watch it anyway. It's probably available on other uh you know free apps as well. Um but it it it it really hearkens back to a time when uh like I said I I was born in 1960.
13:28 Uh, I was raised to be a a well-mannered boy, that's for sure. Uh, when I was old enough to drive, so 16, uh, my mother started having me drive her places rather than her having to drive places or, you know, drive me places. And when I would park the car and get out, I had to come around and open the door for her. Okay. The first time we went somewhere with me driving, I got out of the car and I walked off and got about 10 15 feet away from the car and
14:03 realized my mother was not with me. And I came back to the car onto her side and I opened up the door and I said, "What's up?" She said, "You need to open the door for me." That was a lesson I never forgot. Although I get did get chastised on a date when I was in college for presuming to open the door for my date. So we only had one date. If when we talk about the topic of of etiquette, especially here in the United States,
14:39 the the name Emily Post is synonymous with etiquette. And I have a copy of her book. Etiquette was is the name of the book. Now, the book was originally published in 1922. This particular edition was published in 1945 I think. Yeah, this was this was a completely revised edition that was published in 1945
15:17 just as World War II was ending. And eti World War II was not the only event that did this. Uh but etiquette changed significantly as a result of World War II both in and out of the military. Uh people became much much less formal. So prior to uh World War II um in in the military, you had a full dress uniform with the cocaded hat and and the and the uh the epullet and such. Uh, by the time
15:52 World War II was over, all of those uniforms were gone. Um, and the dressiest uniform you had was was called the full dress uniform, which was really just the service dress uniform that we still have today with with medals on one side and ribbons on the other. Uh, so, you know, a lot of the uh very formal dress, for example, went away. um as well post World War II men rarely wore white tie and tails. Uh even even upper
16:27 upper class men um rarely wore them any longer. Uh they typically wore tuxedos, what's known as black tie. And if you if you take me up on watching um the family affair, you'll see that when uh Bill Davis goes out on dates um in the evening, oftentimes he actually has a tuxedo on. Uh he doesn't wear a bow tie with his tuxedo. It's a it's something else. I've been meaning to look up what that's all about. But but in any event, dress was less formal. Behavior in
17:02 general was less formal. And so etiquette does change uh over time. So but this is to the extent that there's a bible on etiquette. This is it. I'll I'll share a couple of other books with you uh a little bit later. So I I made some notes here as I always do so I can I can you know talk intelligently with you. So um etiqu Emily Post uh said that etiquette is not a set of stuffy or antiquated rules but it's the
17:38 science of living. Okay. So it was for for Emily Post etiquette was about how we treat one another and that is that should be with respect consideration and honesty. Okay. So you can see right here that it's it's not about, you know, using the right fork or spoon. It's it's etiquette is fundamentally about how we treat ourselves and I would argue as an extension of it, how we
18:13 choose to present ourselves to other people. Right? So, uh, the opposite of of of being a well-mannered person, I think, would be a borish person. Uh, you know, someone who goes out of his way to offend people and and I would argue that I mean, I I certainly don't want to present myself to people that way. I think it pushes people away and I don't want to do that. I want to draw people to me. Most people to me. There are some people I want to push away, but most people I want to
18:49 draw to me and and so etiquette is a way of doing that uh in in in the most effective way. So, you know what what what I mentioned before is the case. So, what what etiquette looked like when Emily Post wrote her first uh version of this book back in 1922, very different from what is considered proper etiquette today. And and when you think about it, a lot of things have changed. In 1922,
19:24 very few people had a car. Okay? I mean, some did, but but not a lot. Not a significant percentage of the population. people still rode horses. Um, a lot of streets were unpaved. Um, they oftentimes were filled with the manure of of horses and sometimes even other animals. Uh, and and so how we acted uh was how one acted, how especially how a man acted in the 1920s very, you know, very different. But it was it was
20:00 crafted by the conditions of the time. So in the 1920s, if a man was walking with a woman, he walked on the street side of the sidewalk and the woman walked on the building side of the sidewalk. And it was for a very practical reason. And that was because if a a horse uh trotted by or if a horsedrawn street car came by or if an automobile drove by, it was likely to splash onto the sidewalk. And so it was
20:37 it was considered a man's duty, proper etiquette for the man to get splashed and not allow the woman to get splashed. And if you can imagine what's was getting splashed on you, I I think any man who, you know, deserved the the the the name of man uh would not want that kind of that kind of stuff uh splashed on the woman with whom he was walking. So, and you might argue, well, now today, streets are paved. Uh cars don't splash anymore. Well, they don't splash
21:12 manure. That's, you know, rarely if ever the case anymore. But if it's raining out, they'll still splash water. And so I know when I I always make it a point to walk on the street side of a woman with whom I'm walking. Um it was something that I um taught my daughter. Um and uh it's it's it's it's always a little bit fun when you come to a corner and you're turning and then all of a sudden she's on is she on the outside or the inside? And so we would joke about that. Um but I do think it remains the
21:47 well-mannered um practice for a man to walk on the street side. I I would also argue that um if if one is going to get attacked on the street, and I I have been uh here in Los Angeles uh quite a number of years ago, um the the attack is most likely to come from the street side, not the building side. And so again, it makes sense for the man to to walk on the street side of the sidewalk when he's
22:23 walking with a woman. So um but other things have changed. I mentioned you know dress codes have changed um in in the military in the 1920s and and even into the 1930s. It was standard practice that when an officer went to a new command, he would make a what's what was known as a duty call on his commanding officer. And and what that meant was he basically presented himself at the commanding officer's office uh to introduce himself
23:01 and if the commanding officer wanted to speak to him, he made himself available to speak. He also presented himself at the commanding officer's quarters and left a card for each female uh in the commanding officer's household. In fact, there's a there's a great little thing about this in the movie uh she wore a yellow ribbon where a new officer, this is during the days of the cavalry, 1870s, 1880s. It's a John Wayne movie. and a new officer reports to the post and he
23:38 goes to the commanding officer's quarters and the door is answered by a young woman who you realize soon after becomes his love interest, the young officer's love interest. And she asks if she he's there to see her and he says, "Well, no." And he says, "Well, you're here to see my father." He says, "No." He's very flustered by this whole thing. And up walks John Wayne who realizes what is going on. And he explains to the young woman that um that Lieutenant Cohill is there to leave his card according to
24:16 Army regulations, one card for each female member of the commanding officer's family. And uh he he teases uh Lieutenant Colehill by suggesting were you expecting her to answer the door with a silver salver which is a small silver tray on which calling cards were traditionally left. So uh suffice it to say nothing like this happens in the military these days. Um and and in a way it's a shame and I and I'll and and the reason I say that is
24:51 when I was stationed in Okinawa, Japan. So as a chaplain administratively, I was assigned to what's known in the Marine Corps as headquarters and services battalion. And partway through my time in Okinawa, we got a new colonel as commanding officer of HNS battalion. And so I went to his office and spoke to his secretary and asked her to schedule a time for me to meet with the colonel.
25:26 And and she said, "How much time do you need?" I said, "Oh, I just need a few minutes. I just want to introduce myself to him and find out what instructions he has for me." And she looked at me kind of quizzically, but she made the appointment. And on on the date at the time, I presented myself at the colonel's office and and and you know, he he invited me in and he said, "What can I do for you, Chaplain?" I said, "Well, sir, I'm I'm here to introduce myself. I'm Chaplain Kevin Bemel. I'm a lieutenant in the United States Navy.
26:01 And um being that you're the new commanding officer of of HNS Battalion, I came to find out uh you know what it is you would like me to know and and what instructions you may have for me. Now the colonel who had been in the Marine Corps for over 20 years at that part. It took him a moment to realize I was paying a duty call on him. And and so he said so he he was a little bit takenback at first, but then he realized what I was doing. I was there to pay my respects
26:36 and and he said and he said, "Oh, well, chaplain, please sit down." And he invited me to sit down on the little sofa he had in his office. And he sat down. He said, "Well, it's it's very nice of you to come by." And I said, "Well, thank you, sir." said, "It's it's my pleasure to meet you and to welcome you to Okinawa and and to wish you and your family the a good tour." He said, "Well, thank you. I'll pass that along to my wife." And and we chatted for a few minutes. And uh you know what I realized was I had
27:11 set a tone for our relationship that carried all the way through the rest of the time I was in Okinawa. We started off with a very high level of mutual respect because I was willing to do something that by any standard was probably a little old-fashioned, although it's what my father told me I should do. Uh, but also showed respect for this man. Now, a little side note to this, for a colonel, a fullird colonel in the Marine Corps to have been given
27:46 this particular billet meant he was not going to become a general. So, he was given this as a last tour of duty, after which he'd be retiring. And so for a junior officer to take the time to pay him respect by making a duty call, I think really resonated with this this man who knew this was the end of his career. He wasn't going to become a general. I'm I'm I'm sure he felt a little bit sad by that at least. Uh and and so to be paid the level of respect
28:21 that a general would normally be paid, I think meant a lot to him. And so this is why, you know, when Emily Post talks about um how we treat one another with respect and and consideration and honesty, this is what etiquette helps us figure out how to do. So how do you learn good etiquette? Well, first of all, you have another sip of cocktail. So, um, first of all, you can read about
28:58 what good etiquette is. Now, although I did read this book because I really I I'm Have you figured this out? I'm an oldfashioned guy. Uh today you're probably better off getting uh Emily Post's granddaughter's uh version of etiquette. This is written by Peggy Post. Here's Peggy Post. You can see her picture. You can see she's dressed very casually in jeans with a white shirt. This is the 17th edition. It was written in 2004. It's much larger and you can see it's
29:34 even indexed with, you know, thumb thumb things. So you can open up easily and this would be you know essentially proper etiquette for current times and then in the military. So uh this this is called service etiquette. This is really for the Navy and actually this is not the most recent edition. This is the fourth edition. It's written by Artha Schwarz. Uh I read this I read this book cover to cover. It's maybe a little bit outmoded, but I
30:11 would argue that today given the level of informality to conduct oneself in the military, according to uh Ortha Schwarz's standard, probably will be looked upon as a little bit quaint but deeply appreciated by senior officers who when they joined the military, this would have been the standard of etiquette. So, it'll bring them back to when they were young and starting and and to the level of courtesy that they had to pay to to
30:46 officers senior to them. So, so first of all, you can read books and and books are great teachers, right? Okay. So, that's one way. Another way is just to observe people who seem to be able to draw people to them. How do they do that? Now, when I say draw people to them, I don't mean celebrities who get big crowds at events. That's that's not etiquette. That's that's something else. That's entertainment. What I mean is is you're at a social event of some kind and there's someone there and it seems like everybody wants to meet and talk with
31:22 that person. either it's because you know they're very successful and people that or it's because they're the kind of person who's well-mannered and so you can observe how that person behaves or if you're at a party watch your host and hostess and see how how what their dynamic is. Okay, you can also practice. So I practice etiquette almost every day. Uh if I have an opportunity to hold the door for someone, I will. Certainly for women, I hold the door. But earlier
31:57 today, I had a situation where a man was carrying a child and he could have opened the door for himself. But rather than um put him in a situation where he had to do that, I held the door for him and he appreciated it because he could continue to pay attention to his child and not have to deal with the door, pardon me, with the door. So, um, another thing, another way of learning etiquette is to be self-aware. And that's really the key. It's to develop the ability to
32:32 uh see here how we're impacting other people. Okay? We don't need to be obsessed with it, but if if we're able to a little bit see through the eyes of others how they perceive us and whether we're making them feel comfortable and feeling respected. So that will go a long way toward helping us develop a sense of etiquette. And then finally, there's the whole cultural context. So what is considered proper etiquette here in the United
33:07 States or even on the west coast where I am is different on the east coast. It's different in Europe. It's different in Mexico, South America, Japan, India. Each culture has its own sense of proper etiquette. Okay? So that's how you can learn it. And the goal, by the way, um is is is not to achieve perfection. Uh Emil Emily Post in her lifetime never achieved perfection. She knew that
33:45 her her goal was to always improve her etiquette. So, she could be ever better at helping people feel at ease when they were around her. So I I have a quote from Emily Post. Um and I think this this really puts a you know dots the eye and crosses the tea. Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners no matter which fork you use or what fork
34:23 you use. Sorry, I switched the word there. Right? That's the key. Okay. If you're at a dinner and you see, you know, two forks or three forks lined up on your left and knives and spoons and a little teeny fork on your right and then there's a fork and a spoon above your plate. It's like, what the heck? First of all, all you have to do to know which fork or spoon or knife to use is watch your hostess. Because if all that cutlery is on is in front of you, she's the one who saw to it that it was there
34:59 or most likely. Now, in my house, it would have been me, but watch your host and hostess. Whichever one they pick up, that's the one you pick up. That's why the whole knife and fork and spoon thing is is so irrelevant to etiquette, but it's it's not the important part of etiquette. That's really easy to do. You just chat with the people on on either side of you until out of the corner of your eye, you see which which utensil your host and hostess pick up and then off you go and you're good. Right? I'll give you a clue. It's a weird thing if you're having any kind of seafood.
35:36 Okay. The seafood fork is on your right. Why it doesn't go with the rest of the forks, I don't know. It's it's a it's a crazy thing, but that's just how it works. Okay. Okay. So, don't worry about the knives and forks and spoons. Concern yourself with having an awareness of how to make people feel comfortable. And if you do, then you understand etiquette. So, all right. But I want to go into this more deeply because etiquette is important for I think for a
36:12 set of specific reasons and I'm going to talk about those now. So first of all, good etiquette reduces friction between people, right? So if I'm meeting somebody some especially somebody new who doesn't know me, right? Most of us approach that situation with some trepidation. So if both of us are are acting in a well-mannered way, while it may be a little bit stiff and formal at first, we're demonstrating to each other that
36:49 we want to develop some mutual respect and comfort and will actually relax much more quickly. Okay? as opposed to a situation where we're, you know, we're acting in a more borish way. It's inevitably going to get our backs up against the wall or that feeling of like raising our ales and we may never end up being comfortable with each other. So, if we want to have good relationships, we want to reduce friction between people and etiquette is the best way to
37:25 do that. Cheers. Okay. Next, it builds trust and community. So, one of the aspects of contemporary culture that I think is not good is that people in general seem to feel like I need to be unique and in your face about my uniqueness.
38:01 And that's that's it's too aggressive for most people. Okay. It it it raises it raises our natural sense of defensiveness and it prevents communication, clear communication between us. Otherwise, open-minded people might find themselves really struggling to engage with us. And so, if we use etiquette to reduce friction,
38:37 then we can build trust with another person and and the more people with whom we can build trust, the more community we can build. And wouldn't it be more pleasant to live in a community where people got along, even if they disagree about this or that or the other thing, wouldn't it help reduce the stress of life, just the day-to-day stress of life, if we sought to get along better? Well, etiquette can
39:12 help us do that, right? If that if we all had the goal of treating people, putting people at their ease, treating them with respect, trying to bring a sense of comfort between people, imagine how different things would be. Okay. All right. Next, it it really protects human dignity. Okay. Now, I'll be I'll I'll admit sometimes I'm challenged. Sometimes I'm dealing with people and it is so frustrating
39:47 that I want to raise my voice to them. I want to say nasty things to them. And and that's not good. Okay? And it's not in fact the person I want to be because as someone who professes to live a god- centered life, each human being is precious to God and should be treated with dignity, decency and dignity. Okay? And so etiquette helps me, proper
40:23 etiquette helps me maintain the ability to treat people with dignity to remember someone who is well-mannered does not raise his voice. He does not scream at another person. That's not that's not a dignified thing to do. And it also is an affront to human dignity in general. Right? So, uh to the extent that you value other people, etiquette helps us take it to the next
41:00 level and treat them in a dignified way. Now, if you're the kind of person who yells and screams at people, calls them names, okay, I would argue you can't really claim to care about people. Okay? You may want to care about people, but if you routinely treat people in an undignified way, you don't actually care about people. Okay? Now look, we all lose our temple temper once in a while. Okay? It's different to
41:36 have a lapse occasionally than it is to have that be a part of our regular behavior. Okay? So etiquette helps us uh protect human dignity. Um next, it signals emotional intelligence. Okay? And you know, as I as I think about it, I remember when I was in college, so you know, my again, my mother raised me to be a well-mannered boy. And and when I was in college, I was surprised that when uh a w a woman who either lived in
42:13 the same dorm as me or, you know, kind of knew me, when she had a problem, she wanted to talk to me about it. I'll never reme I'll never forget uh this was I was a freshman I first month or month and a half of of being at USC and I was living in a co-ed dorm which at the time meant social spaces first floor men second floor women third floor right um but we all ate in the same dining hall and so a group of us from our my dorm were sitting at the same
42:48 table having dinner and one by one people left until I was there alone with a a young woman. I knew her, didn't know her well, but she was considered one of the hot young women, right? So, the fact that I was sitting there alone with her for me was like, oh my gosh. Right? And so we're just sort of chatting a little bit and then she proceeds to tell me about a gynecological problem
43:23 she's having. I'm thinking to myself, why are you asking me this problem? And so she told me what was going on. I said, well, I'll be happy to call my mother and get you a referral to a doctor. She said, oh, you would do that? Thank you so much. And I and I later on I did right. I think the reason she felt she could discuss such a thing with me was because I was a well-mannered boy, young man, whatever. And I wasn't going to,
43:58 you know, uh, be wigged out by it or anything like that. She could have a a calm, dignified conversation about this. I don't know. Maybe that was it. But in any event, someone who's well-mannered has a higher level of emotional intelligence than someone who is not well-mannered. That's for sure. Okay. So
44:35 uh a couple more thoughts on etiquette from Emily Post. So Emily Post believed that etiquette was about more than the individual. It was a moral responsibility to create a kinder and more civilized world. She said, "Etiquette must, if it is to be of more than trifling use, include ethics as well as manners." Right? So the idea there is that when we
45:12 act with etiquette in a well-mannered way, we're doing so not just to put on heirs as someone I know once suggested to me that oh this is just a way for upper class people to put down lower people lower on the social scale than they are. No, that's not true. I mean, there may be some upper class people who do it that way, but for most people who truly understand what etiquette is, they understand
45:47 that there is a moral, ethical obligation that we have between human beings to treat each other in the proper way. And etiquette helps us figure that out. So, if you've ever watched Downtown Abbey, right, the Earl of Grandanthm is a very well-mannered man most of the time. He loses his cool sometimes. Okay? Uh but in general, he's a well-mannered man. Not because he has a snoody
46:22 attitude about being an Earl and everybody is less than him. No, because he feels he has an obligation, a moral obligation to treat people well. And that is the epitome of etiquette, especially as Emily Post saw it. So, uh, I want to I I I prepared a short biography of Emily Post. I'm not going to go, uh, into it here. Um, there's not a time, but I thought I'd show you a picture of of Emily Post. She was she was born in the late 1800s.
46:57 Okay, this is Emily Post. You can see she's a woman of her time. She dresses beautifully. Her hair is beautifully quafted. Now she came from a wealthy family and um you know she was a very cultured woman uh and but I think as a result of that she felt it was important to explain not just to people who were not at the same social level that she was but to her social
47:32 peers what etiquette was really about. because I think she was concerned that some people in the so-called upper class would use etiquette as a way to make people not as high up on the social structure feel less feel small. And Emily Post detested that. And so the legacy that she gave us, it's not just a set of rules that evolve over time. It's a perspective. It's an attitude
48:11 and it's one that I would argue our society badly badly needs. So etiquette has been in decline since I was a teenager and that's really a shame because it has made life more difficult, less pleasant, more stressful. And so I encourage you to think about what it means to be a well-mannered person. There are lots of other books on how to live a well-mannered life. Washington. George
48:47 Washington, first president of the United States, wrote a a short book on how to be a well-mannered man. It's well worth reading. I think it applies as much today as it did 250 300 250 years ago uh when he well I think it's a little more than that 275 years ago when he wrote it. And again, lots of other books. If you want some suggestion, because I I I don't think you're going to read you're probably not going to read this book cover to cover. I haven't. It's it's a long book. I use it for reference now.
49:22 Um but and and you may not even read a book, you know, this big. This may be too much of a challenge. But if you want some shorter books to get yourself started, uh especially if you're a young man, send me an email. My email address will be in the show notes once this episode posts and and my social media links will be there as well. I'd be happy to recommend something to you if you have questions about it. I'm happy to answer them. Uh because I think this is much more important than than we realize.
50:00 And while I'm not one of these people that says, "Oh, everything in the past was better." Lots of things in the past were not better than they are now, but the way we seem to treat ourselves, I'm sorry, treat each other is not as good. It's one of the reasons why I like watching movies that are set in the South. Um, especially made by uh Christian movie producers. The way people treat each other is beautiful. It's it's inspiring and and
50:35 You know, again, you say, "Well, it's just a movie." But I, you know, having spent uh some time in the south, I think people in the south are better mannered than those of us on the east coast, on the west coast. Uh and and so uh you know, we could bring a little bit of southern etiquette, southern hospitality in into other regions of this country. We all would benefit from it. So, I thank you very much for joining me this this this afternoon evening. And just just a quick reminder, uh tomorrow is Independence Day. I as I mentioned at
51:10 the beginning of the show, I will be doing a special edition of the Way to Wow Show for Independence Day. So, I hope you'll join me uh tomorrow, Friday, at 10:00 a.m. Pacific time. I hope you'll fly your flag uh with with with pride in our country. It's not perfect. It never has been. probably never will be. Uh but another way that we can signal uh a sense of community is by flying our flags tomorrow. So I wish you a wonderful rest of the evening and signing off as I always do. Some of you
51:45 may not know this one. Marie is the quintessal southern bell, a lovely mannered woman, lady really that I had the privilege to know during I get to know very deeply during the last year of her life. And so that's why I always sign off my shows by reminding her, Marie, um you're up in heaven now, but you are and always will be my bell. And it may take courage to act as a well-mannered person. So
52:20 courage at all times, my friends.