0:01 if you if you have to say to other people i'm manly or i'm mature you are not mature and you are not manly please grow up some more before you go out and do stuff because inevitably i will find you yelling at some poor cashier in a retail store about how you dropped your own cucumbers and yet you want a refund who are you and where are you going what do you want together we'll find the ideal path on the way to wow show with your host kevin bemel
0:39 when is a child ready to leave home i know in my case the answer was as soon as i could and by 17 i was out of the house living with two friends finishing up high school my daughter and i have started this conversation and it was it was interesting in fact so interesting that we decided to share part of it with you in this episode of the way to wow show but before we do that we're going to make a cocktail with madison so what have you have planned for us this time well i have a cocktail called too close for comfort i think that speaks for
1:15 itself and is yeah sometimes families are too close for comfort absolutely so i'm gonna get started with you a little bit today okay great so it's actually gonna be served in martini glass with a little bit of a lemon twist it's going to be chilled okay uh just so you know so i'm gonna get started so of course what we need first is ice okay there you go absolutely all right we've got our nice hammered copper shaker there for you i love it i think it's gorgeous yes it's it's nice to have a nice cocktail but it's even nicer when it comes from beautiful
1:51 cocktail making implements oh yes i totally agree so of course with the recipe because i'm making two drinks i'm gonna go ahead and kind of mess with the ingredients a little bit okay so we're going to do three of bourbon and originally when i you know was making this i was using vodka i think with something sovereign southern and like a little bit of comfort in there you kind of want to use a little bit of bourbon i think oh okay i think that just makes it a little better well you know my wife is a southern belle so this is and so you know by extension my daughter has a little bit of of south inner yeah so i put two ounces
2:26 of the um bourbon and then two ounces of the southern comfort and then we're gonna do two ounces of lemon juice is what i just put in and an ounce of a lovely simple syrup to kind of give it a little bit of sweetness okay and of course as always the recipe for the cocktail will be in the show notes so for anybody who wants to make this themselves just look below where you're viewing right now yeah so of course we're going to shake it a little bit we're going to make sure it's shaking pretty well here and with the shake i like to do like a one two mm-hmm just so you can kind of
3:01 like a one-two cha-cha-cha there you go i mean i i you don't want to see me do the chocolate i don't want to break the camera yeah but uh but the rhythm sounds right i highly doubt that i've seen you move in so also when you get a little frozen here if you want to give it like a like a slap and a little twist it should come right off and you kind of want make sure we get a little bit of this fizziness you kind of want a little bit of that fizziness in there just so you all know camera's going to move in he's going to oh yeah of course thank you sorry see that okay exactly kind of a little bit of a foam to it i love cocktails that use a little bit
3:36 of egg white i think that's i think it just makes it look just so pretty yep um yeah we're gonna pour a little bit yeah you'll get the second one because my daughter does not like such things and then we'll share the rest with uh absolutely and there's plenty to spare here so we're gonna garnish it up with a lemon little lemon yes exactly that's what we're gonna do i almost forgot about that never forget about your twist uh-huh all right i love your peeler got it just
4:11 it's so smooth make sure you get a nice peeler like so because it's just try to use mine at home and good lord it's just horrible all right and one more okay yeah i can't wait to try this oh yeah me too all right and make sure those oils get in there twisting that yeah perfect all right now we're ready we're rocking
4:46 and rolling here we are action she has the giggles you okay baby don't worry about it just just you know take your time i don't know why i'm so nervous yeah you know this is this is not a you know common experience for you
5:22 you okay no i only record every other week well that should be but but not not with your dad and all these people around you and not with my face yeah people only hear my voice yeah i think so yeah okay so if you watched uh a pr our previous episode on video games my daughter and i talked about one of her favorite pastimes and and so we thought we would come come on the show again and talk about another um kind of issue that we're working on she's a little bit nervous [Laughter]
5:57 um another issue that we've been talking about more and more over the last several weeks so my daughter is a teenager now and you know she's she's interested in having more independence and doing you know doing more things on her own and really for that inevitable time when you know she'll leave the nest and uh and go out on her own so we've we've had a number of conversations on that topic and thought it would be valuable to um share some of of that with with you
6:34 our viewers um and explore maybe some some new thoughts and as i was thinking about it myself i realized that that the the three pillars of attainment that we talk about on the show in many ways is a way of understanding when is it time for a child to go out on her own um what what kind of issues what kind of things do we need to think about so um i told madeline i said why don't we just sit down and we probably won't go through all nine realms because we don't have that kind of time but let's let's talk about um at least a
7:10 few of them and uh you know i want to get your thoughts you know i'll give you mine and so what i thought we'd do we is we would start out with health right because we we we talk about that fairly often in this family mommy and i are both working to get healthier and that kind of stuff and so when when you think of health um what what kind of things come to mind about living a healthy life a physically healthy life i mean uh good hygiene eating healthily healthfully
7:45 um yeah eating healthily good hygiene um [Music] having fun because fun is nice and it makes you happy but that's more mental but it's also physical whatever um good hygiene eating healthfully having fun with stuff that's kind of it okay having stable finances okay okay so um i would say for sure good hygiene eating eating eating well eating good food i would also add into the two more things and that would be sleep and exercise yeah two things i
8:21 don't have okay well um so so when i when i think about physical health as opposed to for example financial health i think about sleep diet and exercise so so um how do you think you're doing on diet i'm a kid for one thing kids like sugar i try not to eat sugar 24 7 but that kind of fails sometimes so i would say about like 50 50. 50 50 is like 50 percent sugar than the other 50 is like things i consider healthy foods
8:57 that are in actuality just not candy and cake so like pizza [Laughter] healthy stuff so so you know you're going to find is when i was in college you know we considered beer healthy because you know beer comes from grain right and it's it's hops which is you know also kind of grain-ish and that kind of thing hops is a plant that is used to flavor beer so um what kind of foods besides pizza would you say make up a healthy diet uh vegetables fruit
9:34 carbs even though everybody thinks they're evil don't quote me on that i did not say that okay that's what i've heard from friends that tell me stories because they spend too much time reading dumb things on the internet anyway um yeah so fruit vegetables carbs protein in general like bread i don't think no bread is carbs right yeah okay right so that's so that's it fruits vegetables protein some carbohydrates right so potassium yeah vitamins and minerals right and and you know you want to have a balanced
10:09 diet um so so that's health and then you you mentioned play we actually talked about that um you know when we talked about your video game so seems like you've got um things to do that that that constitute play something that you wouldn't recreation i guess yeah there's synonyms but recreation seems to mean like just enjoyment of a fun activity not play i mean yeah video games drawing knitting which is something i'm trying to learn how to do um uh baking and just researching stuff
10:46 that i find interesting are all recreational activities for me okay so uh finances should we should we talk about finances or is a little bit premature at your age to be i mean we can try i suppose i mean are you ready to go to work because i know you know i'm busy with you retire so if i can get you to go to work see mommy can retire i can't i'm not old enough well you know i i was i well well i i was working on getting you a job at a place i think you would like be a part-time job ooh that sounds fun maybe over the summer it'd be something
11:22 for you to do maybe a few hours a week you'd be interested in that start learning what it takes to be uh you know in the in the job world just a little bit okay please remember this for uh afterwards because i want to ask you about it okay i just want to make sure it's not one place no i think i'm pretty sure you'll like the place that i'm talking about but but since i found you the job i want 10 percent [Laughter] no just because i do your laundry doesn't mean that you asked for 10 there but i i paid you to do my laundry and i don't take ten percent from what i
11:58 pay you for the laundry even though i give you that job too i'm reimbursing you for the 200 you spent on my on my monitor though so you're getting that money back i'm not earning any money this month but you got you got yourself a fancy monitor yeah i'm grateful for that okay all right so i think i think enough negotiations over the money right okay why don't we look at why don't we look at something in one of the other pillars how about if we look at something in the mental pillar sure so um so another one that i think you have down well is learning not so much school oh okay that makes sense yeah right but it seems to me you like to
12:35 learn stuff i like to learn stuff that's interesting to me and that contains you know stuff like things about characters and stories so yeah so would you consider yourself um intellectually no curious depends on what the word intellectual means in this country you're curious about um just curious about obtaining knowledge yes specific knowledge yes knowledge in general but knowledge yes specific ones all right so frankly that's the most important lesson
13:10 i think anybody can learn in school is is to to enjoy learning what about um relationships how do you feel about your ability to relate to other people create relationships that sort of thing okay well first things first since as mentioned before um it is i've implied that i record videos go subscribe now [Laughter] shameless self promo no what's the name what's the name of your channel i'm the butterscotch kid go subscribe i do splatoon stuff
13:46 you'll find out what that is it's that thing you can't see it in the camera okay so what it's called the butterscotch kid yes so the butterscotch kit yes okay good all right so good um i mean i don't since i like things that are considered boyish even though like half of the youtube community is girl youtubers doing gaming stuff so all of the kids in my school talk about boys makeup rings
14:22 trends and similar stuff and me uh i don't relate to any of that so i don't have any friends is that really true i thought you had friends at school i have acquaintances that hang around me when they don't have anyone else staying around with what do you think i mean do you think having relationships is important i mean considering i've experienced both having them and not having them yes definitely so um but you have to make sure you're fitting in you're fitting in no you have to make
14:57 sure you find the right people so that you fit in because that's english um [Music] like for instance if you like i don't know rock climbing and you make friends with girls that are afraid to chip their claw like nails on a pebble in the street don't be friends with those people because you weren't going to have any fun you know sage advice so again you know again i mean i i it seems to me you're headed in the right direction right you want to i mean you want to have your close
15:32 relationships are probably going to be with people that you share common interests and that sort of thing yeah all right so you know you'll continue to work on that you think okay it's going to be very difficult so i think i think the last thing we'll talk about um is mindset do you know do you know what mindset is so mindset is how we look at the world a lot of it is our inner dialogue right what we say to ourselves about ourselves so our mindset can help us
16:08 it's my my watch oh [Laughter] somebody's sending me a message i don't know how to turn off the notification you know pinging in my watch so um so the the things that we tell ourselves about what happened to us during our day can have a big impact on how well we we do so if we make a mistake or we plan to do something and it doesn't work out right and we fail we can tell ourselves lots of different things we can say
16:43 oh i'm a failure or worse i'm a bad person because i couldn't do this or we can say to ourselves hmm all right this didn't work the way i thought it would but maybe if i try something else it'll work out better so the first mindset i'm a failure i'll never be able to do anything we call that a fixed mindset the second mindset where we say hmm maybe i can try
17:20 something different i'll do something in a different way that's called a growth mindset because we're looking to continually learn to continually work to get closer to our goals and i would say that for success in life in general for finding our way to wow right the name of the show having a growth mindset may be the most important thing we can do because with a growth mindset we can never be defeated there's always another way we can approach it right and i know sometimes you're pretty
17:55 tough on yourself huh i mean anyone with a growth mindset in my opinion can be defeated by something that triggers them to act different from how they usually act like the loss of a family member or something like that that's not the point um i mean i guess i guess i get what you're saying but i mean i'm consider myself a semi-fixed mindset
18:30 and yet i'm growing as far as i can tell i may be fixed to the concrete but i don't know because i'm me and i can't see myself can i right any any any final thoughts to share with the folks i mean we're talking about like identity in terms of knowing whether you're ready to go out on your own right well i think this identity is is broader than that it's it's understanding who you are all the different aspects of yourself as a person so um maturity level would be one aspect
19:07 of identity but i think there's there's lots of there's lots of aspects to identity right you take me right i'm a husband i'm a father i'm a talk show host i'm a friend i mean in terms of judging your identity as a factor of whether you're mature enough to do stuff on your own if you if you have to say to other people i'm manly or i'm mature you are not mature and you are not manly please grow up some more before you go out and do stuff because inevitably i will find you yelling at some poor cashier in a retail
19:44 store about how you dropped your own cucumbers and yet you want a refund on those cucumbers even though you didn't even buy them well [Laughter] um yeah yeah so i think one of the hardest things for us to know is our own maturity level but but i agree with you if someone says to me oh i'm very honest i i hold on to my wallet right self self proclamation is is probably not self actualization
20:20 it's it's um i think it's good of you to recognize that that'll help you out through life to be a little bit skeptical of people who tell you what they are rather than just live their lives and show you who they are i mean yeah yeah and that's i don't know that uncle rick has ever told me what or who he is about anything but about having known him for the better part of a half century i like how you point at him even though no one can see him i know uncle rick the
20:55 ghostly floating figure in the corner of our living room right but i you know he doesn't have to he demon he demonstrates through his behavior um to me you know for like i said for half a century um and i think that's that's far more important than anything he could ever have told me about himself so anything else you want to talk about i mean no no not really okay well good so i i think you know we'll we'll continue this conversation
21:30 and hopefully people watching this got something of value out of it some food for thought you know and then maybe you know think about what we talked about and we'll we'll pick up the conversation down the road okay okay gotta hunt for your old dad sure okay so i'm i'm tempted to mention a little story about my father it's sort of like the old woody allen joke you know my father was such an insignificant man
22:07 his hearse followed the other cars you know in the way to the cemetery you know from from how i looked at it and this is this is probably a terrible thing for a son to say i never thought of my father as being particularly successful and finally around the time i joined the navy i screwed up the courage to ask him about that and he was absolutely flabbergasted
22:42 by the question he said how could you think i'm not successful i've done in work what i love doing and i raised three great kids that's all the success i ever wanted and it struck me then or actually on reflection it struck me now but thinking about that time as much as i think of the way to wow show as helping you find your unique path to success
23:18 it's maybe even more important that we think about it as a place to find the ideas where we can help our children find their way to success so the conversation i had with my daughter maybe the most important show that i've done so far i'll admit my wife and i are a little bit scared about this whole process of her growing up and leaving the nest
23:53 i presume my parents were afraid of it too although i i don't know maybe my dad go on and so that's why as much for myself as for all of you i remind us courage at all times my friends and marie you are still my belt
24:32 [Music] [Music] you