0:03 Who are you? [music] And where are you going? [music] What do you want? Hello and welcome to Jiggers's Place. I'm your host, Kevin Bemmel, and I'm here every other Thursday at 5:00 p. a.m. Pacific time to have a cocktail and a schmoo. And today um or this afternoon really uh I'm going to be talking about the social contract. I have a story to
0:40 share with you that I think you will find interesting. And in honor of the social contract, um I along with my cocktail designing assistant Chat GPT, uh we designed a cocktail called the Poreback. And it is a bourbon cocktail. And so today I'm going to be using uh Redemption Bourbon. Um those of you who are Redemption fans, you may you may be uh more familiar with Redemption Rye. This is the bourbon. It's 78 corn, 21% rye, and 4% uh barley.
1:19 So, it's it's a nice rye. I've been sipping on this uh um uh for the last few uh for the last week or so. Just I don't know. Haven't had haven't had it for a while. It's a nice thing. Um I'm going to be using um Luxardo Amaro Abano. This is a a um a bitter lure. And I'm going to be using the recipe. If you get if you get my emails, you see the recipe calls for fresh lemon juice. I didn't have a fresh lemon around, so I'm going to be using my uh Italian lemon juice. I've got some uh aderandac
1:55 maple syrup. This is, you know, real maple syrup. And some Angistero bitters. So, uh we're going to start out. Oh, and you know what? I'm supposed to have some cold water. Give me one second. Okay. And some cold water. Fortunately, I have a cold water dispenser in the kitchen. Okay. So, going to start out
2:30 with 2 oz of bourbon. Got my measuring cup here that I can never seem to find the measurement on. And we're going to make this one in a mixing glass. So, we got the bourbon in there. And then, let's see. I think it's a half ounce. Yeah, half ounce of the Amaro. Yeah. Make sure I've got the right one. Oops. Okay.
3:05 and half ounce of the lemon juice. I think that's probably going to do it for the lemon juice. Yeah, it sure does. Sure did. Okay. And um a/4 oz of the maple syrup. And I'm just going to I'm not even going to measure it. I'm just going to pour in a little bit. That's probably about a/4 of an ounce.
3:41 And let's see. Two dashes of Angistero bitters. One. Two. And then let's see. And then an ounce of cold water. Where is it? There we go. A little bit more. Okay, that's it. Okay, we're going to stir this. We're going to mix various ingredients
4:18 and also let some of the ice melt because water brings out the flavors. And if you can see the mixing glass, you can see it's getting nice and frosty on the outside. And that's about 15 or 20 seconds, I think. We'll get our strainer and we're going to strain this into an oldfashioned glass with ice with a ice cube in a big ice cube.
4:59 Okay, let's give this a try. That's very nice. Lots of layers. Okay, I will see you over on the sofa.
5:38 Okay, here we go. [snorts] So, the last few weeks uh until Monday were pretty calm and uh got really really busy again this week as we head out of summer and back into uh the regular uh week. So, uh it's been nice. Lots of good things happening. This is so good. It's not It's not sweet and sour. The um
6:18 I think the maple syrup just takes the edge off of the bitters or the bitter lur and it balances nicely with the uh lemon juice. So, it's very refreshing. It's a It's been a gloomy day all day here in Los Angeles. Hot and very humid, but overcast. We even had a little bit of rain um not not about about an hour ago or so. Um so, all in all, it was a nice day. So, uh got my got my sphere here. So, [clears throat] this is going back uh I think a couple
6:54 of months ago. I was out walking um for my regular uh exercise and I I walked uh through where I live in LA up to Beverly Hills and across and um there's a a park in Beverly Hills and it doesn't really it it doesn't really look like a park because most of it is paved but it it is actually a public park [snorts] that a big hotel that was built uh in Beverly Hills was required to build as a kind of a public service in order to get
7:30 approval of their hotel. And I I always walked through the park on Saturdays. And as I entered the park, I heard uh uh like growling basically of dogs and it attracted my attention. And I saw I I what I thought I saw was two dogs attacking a man. And and I I stopped and and and then I turned and looked
8:05 again and realized the two dogs, they weren't attacking the man. They were attacking each other and the man was trying to deal with it, which he couldn't. So I went running over. At the same time, another another fellow uh who noticed what was going on came running over and we we you know pulled the dogs apart and the the the fellow who was with the dogs they he he had gotten bitten andor scratched. He was bleeding.
8:40 Um, and it turned out both the dogs were his. Um, and the dogs knew each other well, and it had never happened before, but something had caused the dogs to basically get angry at each other and attack each other. And and I think at least partly because it had never happened before, it surprised the fellow. [snorts] and and that's why he was trying to struggle to get them apart and he couldn't. So, you know, we stayed we stayed with him. We got the dogs calmed down and
9:16 once they were calmed down, they were perfectly fine, but he was bleeding. [snorts] So, um I went over to the men's room. I got some paper towels and wetted one of them down and and brought them back to him and and he and he said, "You know, thank you so much. I really appreciate this. I'm sorry to cause you so much trouble. And [snorts] and I said, "Hey, you look, you know, the these things happen." And and it was clear he was very embarrassed. And you know, the other guy who helped him out and I were kind of looking at each other like, "Nothing to be embarrassed
9:52 about. These things happen." Um and and he and he's he said he said he's like, "Why? Why? Why did you do this? And I said, well, isn't this the social contract? Like, we see somebody in in trouble or having difficulty. We're supposed to help them out. It's like, look, and and I appreciate you said thank you. That's all that's all
10:27 that's necessary. And it was interesting because uh the three of us and then a fourth guy um joined in this conversation. He was actually with the other fellow who helped. We got into this conversation about the in essence the obligation that we have um to help out our neighbors, help out other people. and and it was a very gratifying conversation. Um [snorts] I I would add that um I think all three
11:03 of the other fellows were probably half my age or younger. These are all young men. Um there's so many terrible things said about young people these days. I think it's I think a lot of it is unjustified. Um, and uh uh it was it was a really I mean I'm I'm sorry that the fellow the fellow's dogs attacked each other and he got hurt. I wouldn't I wouldn't you know I wouldn't have that happen. But it w it was it was it was very gratifying uh to have this conversation and in fact
11:41 to be able to help out someone who was you know having having difficulties. Um and and since then I've been thinking about this this idea of um of um the social contract. Uh it was it was a concept with which I was raised. uh my my father and my mother both uh taught me that um I I that that it is essentially an obligation on me to to
12:18 help other people um without any expectation of re reward or recompense or whatever. Uh and uh now both my parents were from um the Midwest um Wisconsin uh Minnesota where you know perhaps um those values are stronger than they are on the coasts and in the big cities. Um although my mother uh grew up in St. Paul, Minnesota, part of the Twin Cities. My dad grew up at a lacrosse,
12:55 Wisconsin. not a big city but [snorts] an urban environment I suppose and [clears throat] you know from time to time I I find myself you know helping people and getting this sort of mystified response like why are you doing this and to me it's it's no more uh um unusual to be helping them out than it is to walk down the street. And this isn't about, oh, you know, what a
13:31 what a great guy Kevin is. I I don't mean it in that way at all. Uh I I think that this is part of this is part of of the American way of being. We help we help out. We help each other out. Um, and you know, hopefully this is not something that only happens during a crisis. And and that's something certainly for me to ponder. My next door neighbor
14:07 Sean, sweetest guy you'd ever want to meet. And every once in a while, there'll be a knock on my door. Um, typically on a Friday afternoon and I'll open the door and Sean will be there and he'll have made some salsa. Um, he he's he's a Persian and he makes this this salsa. I mean, it's just it's just out of this world. [laughter] I had it when I when he invited me to his home uh one evening and I guess, you know, I loved it so much. So, when when he makes it, he, you know, he brings me some and it's it's it's always a great treat.
14:43 and and you know, we've helped each other out in the past. We're neighbors. We we do what we can to kind of ease each other's burdens. Um I I I I hope that you live in a community where that is the way things work because it it certainly makes life easier and and more enjoyable.
15:19 Boy, that's good. So, um, [snorts] so I have some thoughts on this concept of the social contract and I I want to I want to share them with you. So [snorts] the basic premise I think of the social contract is that um individuals in essence accept certain restrictions on their freedoms
15:54 uh for the benefit for for the benefit of of the the sort of the greater good. living in an organized society. [snorts] So when I went and helped that fellow with his dog, it interrupted my walk, that's for sure. Uh but uh you know, for me to walk by and ignore what was going on was just not acceptable. So and I think that's what made him embarrassed was he felt like he was impinging on me.
16:29 And I I I suppose in an atistic world he was. But the social contract says that's okay. Th this is what we do in order to make society work better. And so while we may be surrendering a little bit of our freedom, [clears throat] first of all, we're doing it of our own free will. We're not being coerced to do
17:05 it. Nobody is nobody said to me, "You must stop and help this this person, right? I I chose to do it, but I chose to do it out of a sense of obligation to the community." And and I think that that's a very good obligation to feel. Right. So, uh earlier this week, actually yesterday, I was in a business meeting and
17:42 basic it was a it was settlement negotiations over a lawsuit. And the other side, the guy, the guy who's suing, he's not really suing me, per se. He's suing me in my position as a as the administrator of an estate. He just screamed at me for most of the meeting. And it was so bad. Eventually, his attorney told the person running the meeting, "Please mute my client." I I've I've honestly never been in a a business meeting like that before.
18:17 And I did think it was interesting. He certainly wasn't helping himself out. I I don't know why he thought screaming at me would get me to change my mind. But in a broader sense, it's like this is not the way we're meant to treat each other. I mean, we're meant to we're meant to treat each other decently because we're human beings. It's one of the few things I would say we deserve because I don't like this
18:54 concept that we deserve. But as human beings, we deserve to be treated with decency. Okay? And uh again uh that means I don't get to yell and scream when I'm angry or tired or whatever. Even though sometimes I feel like oh I mean in that meeting I really wanted to scream back at him. Um but but you know there were people in that meeting uh who who I I know very well and respect and I realized
19:30 for me to respond to this person the way he was treating me would make me look bad in their eyes and so I had to restrain myself um and act appropriately and and and this is this is what's important again part of the social contract. Yes, I'm not free to just say whatever I whatever comes into my head. Uh no, no, that's not true. It's it's actually never true.
20:07 It's not true with respect to our family member, our friends, strangers. That's not to say that sometimes we don't lose control and we do it, but we should be ashamed of ourselves when we do because we violated the social contract. So, um the social contract isn't just what you know citizens owe their country, although I think that's part of it. this I would argue that the social
20:43 contract binds me no matter where I am. So when I was when I was stationed in Germany, uh, in in some ways I felt even more tightly bound by the social contract because whether this should be the case or not, I'm an American and and an American service member in a foreign country. So the way I behave is likely to be
21:18 interpreted by people in Germany as the way Americans are. And here was the interesting thing. And and and those of you who watch the show, you know I'm Jewish. Um there are Jewish people who bear bear Germany ill will to this day because of the showa. But the German people as a whole were wonderful. They treated me with the utmost respect
21:54 and and in return I was I was absolutely obligated to do the same. My my friend uh Scott Voltz is is is in the chat here. Let's see. Um, [laughter] good, good. So, he says, "Setting boundaries is important. People learn how to treat you by what you tolerate." I I I I Scott, I think you are absolutely correct. And and I would extend what you're
22:31 saying to people learn to treat us by the way we treat them. So if I treat someone badly, I'm telling them this is okay. So then treat me badly. And and as well, so I I have a very good friend. I don't want to I don't want to mention his name uh because I don't want to embarrass him. We've been friends for literally decades. And we have both a a personal relationship decades long um but also a business relationship. It it's one of the most precious
23:07 relationships I have. And uh we we talk on a regular basis and for for many months um every time we spoke he would say something politically egregious. basically. And and it was and I really found it irritating. And so finally one day I I said to him, you know, I I get it that you don't like this thing and and that and that's fine.
23:46 You know, I love you. We've known each other for a long long time, but I I just feel you're having to sort of spill this on me every time we talk. It's not conducive to our relationship. And I would really appreciate it if if you would just not do that. And I said, "This is not I don't mean to be disrespectful to your beliefs. It's just I I I'd rather we not have to
24:21 engage on this." And and this shows you the quality of the person who is my friend. His response was, "Thank you so much for telling me this." He said, 'I I I wouldn't I w I wouldn't harm you for the world. And he he said, "You know, I I I didn't realize what I was doing." And I said, "Yeah, you know what? You're right. How would you know if I if I'm
24:56 not willing to say something?" Right? And we ended up having a a really great conversation after that. very open, sharing each other's perspectives, no ranker at all, and we became even better friends afterwards. Right. So, so Scott, you're completely right. If we tolerate something that disturbs us, we're teaching the person that it's okay to disturb us.
25:32 And You know, I did think I was taking a risk to say to my friend, you know, please don't do this. And and that was probably a mistaken perception on my part because he's he's such a fundamentally decent human being that I was selling him short um in in thinking that it was a risk to say to him what I said to him.
26:07 >> [laughter]
26:09 >> No. Yeah. So, Scott said, "I wish some people I know were as nice as your friend." Well, so, you know, yes, I agree. [laughter] I had a circumstance like that earlier today where I I wish this person had been as nice as as my friend. Um, you know, I think it it's it's it's indicative of of how much they uh value having a relationship with us. So, they're giving us important information
26:44 uh when when they don't. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to read that comment because I it may be a little bit too personal. Um but but yes and and I think it is unfortunate given the sort of tenor of social discourse in our in our society now that that people don't seem to be able to disagree um in good conscience um and just accept that someone who disagrees with me maybe disagrees with
27:20 me very deeply can still be a good person. Uh I I I think that's a shame. Um there certainly are evil people in the world. Um but um um there there actually there are not a lot of evil people in the world. Um there are you know shortsighted people, mistaken people, people with whom we disagree. Um the social contract would say and and this this is a very uh um
27:55 typical thing to hear in the military. Um I will fight and although hopefully not but die for your freedom to disagree with what I believe. It's it's one of the beautiful things about being in the military is um the military is not monolithic in terms of what people believe. Um and we those of us who have had the uh the honor and pleasure to serve in the military. We certainly know that many of our fellow
28:31 uh citizens disagree with us personally about our beliefs. Um that's irrelevant. Um, what what we're there for is to defend in essence the American way of life. This social contract that I've been talking about. Oops. So good. Okay. So, [snorts] next concept I want to mention. Trust is the currency
29:08 that makes up the social contract. And this is really where I think we've seen it um decline or degrade um over the last I don't know at least decade or two. Uh if I certainly certainly with with friends hopefully one of the parts of our friendship is mutual trust and so it's easier to adhere to the social contract with
29:43 people we know because we have built that trust already. So, there's a a line from one of my all-time favorite movies, Silverado. Um, the Kevin Klein character, um, uh, Payton. Payton is the character's name. And, uh, one of the other characters, EMTT, finds him lying in the middle of a desert basically. Um, and and and Payton
30:18 tells his story, or maybe it's Peyton. Anyway, Payton tells the story about how he was riding along with some other cowboys basically, and all of a sudden they're all pointing their guns at him and they steal his horse and his clothes and his hat and his gun. And he said, "You know, my philosophy is you either trust everyone or you don't trust anyone. life pretty much works out the same way either way. And I love that because I think that's true. So I I choose to trust people until they
30:56 until they show me that they're not trustworthy. And so if someone u attacks me or whatever, I [snorts] I try to keep in mind that look, maybe there's something going on here um that is causing them to not behave the way they ought to behave. and and and and I should do my best to engage with them [clears throat] in a calm relational way
31:32 and perhaps actually establish some mutual trust because if I can then I think I have a shot at that person realizing I am obligated by the social contract. And so going back to the examp the the the incident with the fellow with the dogs, I I think he was embarrassed and he and he maybe didn't he didn't know whether
32:08 to trust me as to whether I was going to exacerbate his embarrassment. And so my responsibility was to reassure him or assure him that there was nothing for which he needed to be embarrassed. That his need for help was an everyday thing. and he he needn't mistrust my motives or
32:46 my potential responses or reactions. And so I think we actually did build some trust and that's good because we can relax more around people we trust. So when you think about it and and and in Los Angeles, you this is this is car territory. Uh
33:21 you know, drivers do crazy things all the time. Uh earlier this week, I was almost run down twice while I was out walking. Uh and I I will tell you I am hardpressed sometimes to to to trust drivers. Um but you know people get distracted uh whatever um and and and that's true of life in general. we get distracted. And so our what we if if we care about living
33:58 in a a just relational society, I think we need to offer trust before we necessarily have a basis to know we can trust the other person. Well, yes. Yeah. So, Scott says, "I spoon feed trust until I am confident they can be trusted." So, yes, I think that's correct. We need to we we don't
34:35 want to fully trust someone, you know, right at at the beginning. But I think our default needs to to be okay, I'm gonna offer this person trust as opposed to, you know, um distrust from the beginning and and and let them earn ever deeper trust. So because I I I do think that we live in such a disconnected society. People are craving connection.
35:11 And part of connection is feeling like I am trusted, right? So no, I'm not going to give uh someone I've just met, you know, the keys to my house or tell them where I keep my valuables. Absolutely not. I'm not going to let them know about where I'm emotionally vulnerable. Um, but I am going to give them the opportunity to build on the initial trust that I give to them and and and be feel very gratified,
35:49 satisfied if they do because that means we're building a relationship. Okay. So the thing about the social contract is each of us individually cannot create the social contract. A contract is by definition between at least two people. And it is that cooperation
36:24 that makes it so important in our society. Right? So I I remember this is going back maybe maybe almost a year ago. I got summoned for jury duty. Now, [laughter] jury pay is very little. Uh but and and earlier in my life, I always looked for ways to get out of it.
37:00 And and when I got the latest this latest jury summons, I said, "No, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to approach it that this is my civic duty that if you know, God forbid, I were being tried and a jury was going to be judging me, I would want people to feel like it was their responsibility to be there, to listen carefully, and to be very diligent. in uh discharging that
37:39 duty. And so maybe foolishly because I really did want to be selected to serve. I showed up in court in a suit and tie. And besides the lawyers, I was the only one dressed that way, which I thought was interesting. Actually, I take that back. The judge was dressed that way, too. And when it was finally my turn to be questioned for the voadier um they you know what do you do Mr. Beml? [laughter]
38:14 I didn't tell them I was a rabbi and I said well I you know I uh administrate trusts and probates and do you deal with complex real estate issues? Yes I do. you know, they asked me a bunch of questions and when they realized that the the substance of the case was something that I dealt with every day, one side really wanted me and the other side said, "No, we want to excuse Mr. Bevel." Peremptory challenge and and I was done. And I was disappointed because I thought it would have been a really
38:49 interesting experience. uh but we shouldn't try to avoid these obligations, these duties. If we complain about injustice, but we also seek to escape serving on a jury, we don't really have a basis to complain. We're not willing to do our part in making the justice system effective.
39:24 So, we really have diminished, if not discarded, any business we have complaining because we violated the social contract. Finally, the social contract can be broken, but it also can be renewed. And I feel like a lot of the social contract is broken
39:59 right now. People feel it's okay to mistreat other people, to be vulgar in public discourse and interaction, and and to not to not feel any shame or remorse for doing those things. This is a societal problem,
40:34 but it is something that we as individuals can solve. And we can do it by deciding that we're going to be the type of individual who honors and respects the social contract. We're going to be the person who when we walk by someone who so on my regular walk I walk by um it's a nursing home and oftentimes there's people sitting
41:10 out in front in their wheelchairs. I see people walking by them. They don't even acknowledge they exist and I make it a point. Hi, how are you? Good to see you for both the the the residents and the staff. Some of them know me now. I'm the I think I'm the he's the crazy guy who always says hello. We can renew the social contract. I think the social contract has been broken for a lot of these people. Maybe their family members put them there so they don't have to deal with them anymore. They don't come to see them.
41:47 They feel abandoned. They don't understand what the world has become. We We can change that one human interaction at a time. We can see that our neighbor needs something and we can help them out with it without being asked. We can accept somebody's help. Even when we may feel a little
42:23 embarrassed that we need help, we can accept the help because that help is helping both us and the person helping us out. I think it's particularly important to help out younger people who have grown up in this, you know, era of social media where so much of human contact is so sterile because it's happening online
42:59 and there's so much egregious behavior going on on social media. rather than castigating them for being lazy or this or that or whatever whatever the you know insult of the day is. Why don't we engage them, listen to their struggles, offer them some empathy, some help,
43:39 maybe kindle a sense of aspiration in them. We can do that. We can do it as a society but only by engaging people onetoone. When all is said and done, this this show Jiggers's Place is about just that. through it, I've met people and I I hope I've had the opportunity to
44:14 help them maybe make maybe make their burden a little bit lighter and make their day go a little bit more smoothly. And if I've if I've accomplished that, great. If I haven't yet, I'll continuing try I'll continue trying to do so. And hopefully with today's show, I've inspired you to start making those attempts.
44:50 Success is not guaranteed, but we can control how often we try. And if we keep trying often enough, I think eventually we will succeed. So here's to you, Scott. Thank you so much for joining me today for your thoughtful comments. I really appreciate it. Looking forward to
45:25 seeing you uh next time you're here in Los Angeles. Uh and uh thank you all. Um [laughter] Scott says, "I wasn't sipping enough of my cocktail." Well, that may be true. I really appreciate um all of you who've joined me. I wish you a wonderful evening. If you're here in, you know, uh, highly humid Los Angeles, um,
46:02 hopefully you're able to stay cool and have a nice cool cocktail, uh, for your evening. Uh, have a wonderful evening. Look forward to seeing you again soon. And signing off as I always do to, uh, my friend, a woman who who embraced the social contract. Marie darling, you are my bell. You inspire me all the time to live up to your graciousness, your humor,
46:38 and your absolutely lovely, as the English say, brilliant southern charm. Courage at all times, my friends.