0:01 and where are you going what do you [Music] want hello and welcome to people making money I'm your host Kevin bemel and we're here every Wednesday at 10: a.m. Pacific time um broadcasting live from in this case um fire ridden Los Angeles area so um if you are not living in Los
0:38 Angeles consider yourselves fortunate the air quality here is uh atrocious um it's it's it's actually pretty hard to breathe so uh yeah um what can I say it's uh it's it's it's it's tough here this the sky is uh is is is dark um despite it being uh you know 10 o'clock in the morning and and and in theory cloudless so um but at any event um thank you for for joining me uh today and uh this is we're we're sort of
1:15 kicking off the New Year here this is the our sixth year of um my main show I guess you could call it people making money it's an outgrowth of the original way to wow show and um you know honestly it seems like it was only yesterday that uh we were turning my living room into a television studio and bringing in bartenders and all of that and uh and and so you know it shows you that uh time flies um but uh um you know really appreciate your uh your viewership o
1:52 over the years and uh hopefully you you found it uh you know helpful for you in your lives so um today my topic is uh hire this coach for free I think that's what it was in the uh social media I'm T I'm G to talk about a fellow by the name of Dale Carnegie and excuse me one second I have I have his biography here um so um this is a book by Stephen Watts self-help
2:27 Messiah Dale Carnegie and success in modern America so in in in thinking about um sort of the introductory remarks I wanted to make for for this show was reflecting historically so America has almost from the beginning was thought to be the land of opportunity um so um people came here um because they were seeking religious
3:02 freedom they came here because um they wanted sort of social Freedom if you will and in that sense I mean freedom from a much more rigid class system that was in uh in Europe um than than has been the case here in the United States um and um to escape though to escape religious persecution or a rigid class system that that was um that was the opportunity
3:39 that the United States presented um so the idea that one came to the United States to become successful in the way we mean that today which is usually meant financially successful so I don't know that that was really part of the Gestalt of of colonial and and and post Revolution America um success is as as we Define it today I think is really more of a a
4:16 creature of the um uh industrialization um process that took place um here in the United States starting in the 19th century with the building of of of railroads um the invention of the telegraph um the um building of um clothing manufacturing and I I should I mean um cloth manufacturing and clothing manufacturing facilities the building of shoe manufacturing plants so as America
4:54 industrialized and the ability to generate wealth from something other than Inherited property I.E from manufacturing or or mercantilism um that that really became the idea that that really fostered the idea of um anyone can be successful right so while um you know probably the the most noted silver smith
5:29 in the United States ever was Paul Rivier all right we still have cookware named after him Rivier Weare copper bottom cookware um uh someone like Paul Rivier um was was was not going to become wealthy the way someone like um Andrew Carnegie became wealthy Andrew Carnegie became wealthy through um the the steel manufacturing business primarily um and and he built essentially uh you know a steel Empire um The Rockefellers built an Empire
6:06 based on oil and oil refinery oil refining I should say so um there were um um people who who built wealth through the acquisition of huge tracks of land um and and and building huge ranches um and running a lot of cattle and selling the cattle um you know for for their meat so that that was going on but that was also um a a primarily a post Civil War phenomenon um because those vast tracks
6:43 of land um were for the most part unavailable in the Atlantic Sea Coast colonies and even in the the sort of next group of colonies as you went West between um between the Atlantic Sea Coast and the Mississippi River so it wasn't until places like Texas and um and and the middle west Kansas um New Mexico and so on it wasn't until those territories became part of the United States that we had these these you know
7:18 absolutely huge ranches um and and had the you know the huge cattle drives and and and that sort of thing so um so the the indust Industrial Revolution created a change in the perspective of people in America and and started to help take um started to help I guess bring about the reality that anyone in America could be successful so uh as some people became
7:55 successful others um wanted to gain that same success and U you know they may not have had um quite the business Acumen they may not have had the the drive that an Andrew Carnegie um had or a Rockefeller had um and and they may not really have desired success on you know that kind of enormous scale nonetheless um they did um seek financial success and so
8:30 it was you know into that opening I guess we could say walked uh Dale Carnegie so I'm tell you a little bit about his his his life um he um he was born in 1888 so you can see he was born in the late 19th century into a poor farming family in Missouri now that was a very very typical beginning for someone in the United States um and early on in his life he struggled with self-esteem um and and and and and and
9:08 these struggles along with his ambition really shaped his interest in personal Improvement which is um you know if you think about um someone like Teddy Roosevelt for example also a big believer in what at that time was called personal Improvement and so so he ended up pursuing public speaking and sales jobs um before really becoming as as Stephen Watts calls him a self-help the self-help Messiah if you will so and and
9:45 by the way um M much of what I'm talking about um comes from from Watts's book and and if if you are interested in self-improvement so I I I would encourage you um to to get um to get Stephen Watts's book I'll put a link to it in the show notes it of course will be an affiliate link as as um is is the case when I do these um but um I think it's it's useful to know not only a person's philosophy but something
10:20 about the person himself because if we don't think the person himself is a worthwhile individual we probably don't want to adopt his philosophy so um when he was 48 um Carnegie published his seminal book called How to Win Friends and Influence People so it was 1936 and it really became the uh Cornerstone of self-help literature um I
10:55 heard about that book from the time I was a a a teenager if not you know a boy um and um it it really did launch this this you know self-help um I guess we could call it an industry more of a movement um in the United States and so in in how to win friends and influen people um Dale Carnegie um combines you know practical advice nice with
11:30 philosophical insights he really emphasizes optimism and Charisma and the Power of Positive relationships right so if you think about it um relationships um between employers and employees in the 19th century were often times power relationships certainly in in in in the the 18th century that was the case you might you know a um an employer might uh essentially buy an
12:06 indentured servant um and and that person um had to pay off what was called the bond um which is the payment that the employer made and and oftentimes these employers were not particularly uh kind to their indentured servants by the way and the reason I I mentioned indentured servitude was that was a way that people came to the United States who were looking for opportunity greater than what they had where they were coming from now obviously the
12:41 relationships between Masters and slaves was not a a positive relationship um but that's also not an employment relationship at least in the context we mean it today um and so um but but clearly not a positive relationship um and even um if you look at um like I said 19th century relationships um if you look at the military for instance um the way officers treated enlisted PE enlisted men was nothing like how they're treated
13:18 today um and and and it was a it was a tougher World frankly right and so the idea of having positive relationships um was you know not something that was you know widely thought about when when Carnegie um started talking about it and I would say even interpersonal relationships were not um of of the nature they are today so um I'm sure you've heard the popular adage children are to be seen and not heard right now it's not to say that
13:55 parents weren't loving they certainly were but um if you were a child in an upper class family or I guess would be more better to call it a wealthy family um you were probably raised by a governance you didn't have a whole lot of contact with your parents if you did um oftentimes you were taught to be rather in awe of your parents um and so the kind of close uh child parental relationships that I think most parents strive for today didn't really EX exist um you know
14:31 in in the 19th and early 20th century so if you've ever seen the movie Mary poin which of course takes place in England um but Edwardian England and the attitudes there were not so different from the attitudes here in the United States in terms of how parents relate to their children if you came from a um a poor family or a lowincome family well both of your parents probably worked they didn't have a whole lot of time to be looking after their children and that's again that's not to say they didn't love their children they probably did um but the idea that uh you know a
15:10 mom was going to stay home and take care of children the way it was you know fairly common in the uh 40s and certainly into the F 1950s and 60s um you know even then among um uh poor and low-income people that they just didn't have the um Financial wherewithal for that to happen and so um this this idea that that Carnegie had about um The Power of Positive relationships was somewhat of an innovation if you will uh for for its
15:47 time so um and you know this was all aimed at making success accessible to ordinary Americans so um while America didn't have a strict class system um like like England did um the idea of of there being social and economic mobility in America you know as I was saying before it wasn't a widely held belief so if you were born to a you know somewhat poor um
16:26 farming family uh you know as a child then it was you know pretty well thought that well that's what you know you were going to be a farmer yourself and the idea that you know you were going to leave the farm and you know go to the city and become successful well that that's a that's a creature or that's an idea of the 20th century not not really of the 19th century now that's not to say that there weren't children who didn't hate Farm life and ran away they certainly did um they may have wanted to be successful but um the The Avenues and the tools in general were were not there
17:02 in the 19th century so um U you know in in in in in his book um Stephen Watts talks about um uh Carnegie's life um in the in the context of the the economic shifts and the cultural shifts that were going on in 20th century America um for example urbanis ation so um as there as industrialization um became ever greater
17:37 more and more young people did leave uh farms uh because they there were there was opportunities to work in manufacturing could have been could have been meat packing automobile manufacturing electrical equipment manufacturing all kinds of things that were going on um in the you know first half of the 20th century that enticed young people away from a a rural um agriculture-based life as well agriculture was mechanizing
18:12 and so more work could be done by one person with things like tractors Etc um than could have been done before so these broader cultural shifts and economic shifts are the background in which uh Dale Carnegie brought his his message um to Americans and in particular you notice 1936 so that's uh that's you know not long after the Great Depression okay the Great Depression started essentially in
18:47 1930 and uh president uh Franklin Delano Roosevelt came into office in 1933 um with you know his new deal um it was not particularly successful in the early years so 1936 America was still a pretty heavily depressed economy and so I think Americans were also receptive to a message of how they could achieve success especially in the face of what seem to be such dire um economic uh
19:23 circumstances so um um and and and another another one of the reasons I like um Step Watts's book is he does point out look there were there were criticisms of of Dale Carnegie um as well as plotted so um you know a lot of people um praised him for democratizing the pursuit of success um but others felt that what he was promoting was very superficial even manipulative you know be positive and that kind of stuff and and I you know if
19:59 you've been around any of the self self-help um you know movement or the personal Improvement movements as it was called back then um some of some of the people who pursue it do seem to be um almost almost like charlatan so I think you know there there are there are people who have stood the test of time like Dale Carnegie like Zig Ziggler um another um you know huge personality um in in this area area and um I think that you know one has to separate those who
20:34 were sincerely committed to helping their you know fellow Americans succeed to those who saw the whole self-help business as an opportunity to make a lot of money you know to a certain extent preying on the you know hopes and desires of of people who you know for whatever reason you know had you know little hope of of really hitting the kind of success that they were being told um you know they could achieve so uh you know again I I I I I I
21:10 think it's a it's an honest look at uh Ste Stephen Watts takes an honest look at Dale Carnegie's life and that's that's an important background um for someone who's going to consider adopting Dale Carnegie's philosophy um have to have that background so um and and um um so um I'm going to I'm gonna talk next let just put this to the side here so I don't bump it off I'm gonna talk next about um Dale Carnegie's uh philosophy
21:47 so and I think you will see in it I maybe I think I put this in some of my social media posts as well um we talk now about something called um EI emotional intelligence so that's just the latest you know ter T term the term dour as the French might say of of what is uh you know people skills and um or soft skills they've had different names over the years and decades um but uh you know a lot of this again and and and the reason I'm talking
22:24 about Dale Carnegie is because a lot of he originated a lot of this this so so first of all uh he his part of his philosophy or one of the key points is to develop people skills so and this is really the ability to understand and connect with others so um there there's um four points on that that I want to mention that I think are worth knowing about first of all showing a general interest in others second smiling and being approachable third remembering and using people's names and
23:00 forth forth being a good listener and encouraging others to talk about themselves so these really if if if if you you know if we can Master these four skills people are far more likely to like us and trust us now the key thing here is to is is your interest has to be genuine right so um a person can be smiling and approachable he can remember their names he can be a good listener and encourage them to talk
23:35 about themselves and be uh um a a complete scammer um I'm trying to think of the word u but you know someone um who is you know looking to sort of get close to someone in order to uh take advantage of them right that's that's why and and that's where I think this idea of of Dale Carnegie's Tex techniques being manipulative in part comes from but notice the interest is needs to be genuine we need to genuinely
24:11 care about other people right and um without naming names you know talking to um you know a friend of mine who's who's working on this skill and I think one of the hard one of the hardest parts to master I I know him to be a very caring person but to be one and to be able to express that in the way people actually sense it and and and take it on board those are two different things
24:49 right and you know the old adage if someone has to tell you that they're telling you the truth they're probably not telling you the truth so if someone tells you I care about you that typically redounds as well if you care about me you don't have to tell me you do show me you do right um you know show me show me show me as as U Eliza dittle said in my fair lady right um so we need how do we then show genuine interest in other people and that is we have to develop a sense of
25:25 empathy okay there's there's just no other there's no other way to do it and you would say well I mean you're either empathetic or you're not that's that's not true that that's not true at all um and and I will use myself as uh as as an example so if you knew me when I was a boy six seven eight nine years old I was painfully shy in addition to being very introverted not those are not the same things by the way as I've
26:00 talked about in other shows so it was virtually impossible for me to express empathy because I was I I I could not relate to other people because of my shyness so I remember as a boy um I was invited to a birthday party and um you know we went and got a present for I don't even know if it was a a girl or a boy party um but anyway my mother um took me to the party I was I was you know little boy so she you know walked
26:35 me to the door and and I walked in and I was so uncomfortable so freaked out that within a few minutes I begged my mother to take me home right um nobody who would inter who was who would have interacted with me would have thought me to be an empathetic person because I wasn't I was too too frightened too upset to express any kind of empathy uh but over the years um and I will say that for me um I had an
27:14 example um and that was my paternal grandfather who was an almost universally loved man and so as a boy I got to interact with him and and and get a sense of the feeling of of of calm and engage and engagement that that that I got being around my in in yish the word for grandfather is Zeta or zadii so I called in my zadii um and I I was fortunate to have that that
27:50 opportunity because that that sort of clued me in that there if I could overcome my shyness there was a lot more available to me in the world right and so that's what I say um uh empathy or the the feeling and projection of empathy is a developed skill not a born for one of a better word talent okay now uh it's it's very difficult I think to
28:27 feel empathy if we don't feel a certain sense of um of self-awareness of of self-respect and and so to the extent that we don't have those qualities um we probably are not going to project at least genuine empathy and again I can say from my own life there's there someone um um that used to be in my life that I thought was a very kind empathetic person um but I realized in retrospect that it wasn't genuine
29:05 because the person was not a self um self-possessed person and so there couldn't be empathetic with someone else because the person was too involved in in that person's pain um and so if we want to be empathetic the first thing we need to do is is kind of get our own stuff figured out um so that at least figured out enough that we're not so self absorbed that we can't um open up to other people
29:40 and be um understanding of their situations and and and have some some sympathy some empathy um that you know for for the difficulties they're going through despite whatever it is that we may be going through through right that's in the end that is the Hallmark of empathy everybody's going through stuff right that that's the nature of life that's not the question the question is can we um Express caring can we
30:17 express um uh respect can we um be helpful to someone who's in need um even if their need doesn't seem to be as great as ours that's true empathy right and that's what I would suggest we all should strive for and that that is indeed what what Dale Carnegie was promoting in terms of his people skills so again show genuine interest in others smile and be approachable remember
30:54 people's and use people's names and and be a good listener and and encourage others to talk so when I'm out exercising which I'm guessing I'm not going to do today because the air quality is so horrible I everybody I walk by I say hello or I give them a little salute or something like that I give them a smile so there's a a he I he appears to be a homeless man um who hangs out in the uh Park in Beverly Hills that that runs along Santa Monica Boulevard and I I walk that path sometimes s two three times a week and
31:30 so I see him on a regular basis um and and I you know kind of give him a salute and a smile every time I see him I've been doing this now for months and only recently when I say recently maybe in the last two maybe three weeks has he started to even acknowledge that I'm doing that so now look um I think for most people he's invisible um because he's you know just a homeless guy but I think that look he's a human being I don't know what his
32:06 circumstances are I don't know how he ended up you know where where he's ended up in life um who who knows I'm not going to even speculate but um I think that we we have a duty to our fellow human beings um to acknowledge their existence and and to give them a smile um you know if if nothing what do what does it cost us absolutely zero um and and I will say that um the first time uh he smiled back at me um I
32:43 really I I treasure that because um he's saying you you you had a positive impact on me what better can we what better interaction can there be between two human beings who are are essentially strangers right so so people's skills absolutely number one top of the list number two influence through positivity so you know if you've been around for very long you know people tend to uh influence others in either a positive or
33:18 A negative way I've talked about this before there's two ways of of bolstering our own self-image one is to seek achievements to to do good things especially for other people and to take uh Justified pride in doing those those good things those good positive things the other is to put other people down so that in comparison we feel like we're better than they are and that's a horrible thing to do absolutely horrible thing to do and in the end it does not
33:53 create genuine uh self-esteem because I think somewhere inside of for somewhere inside of a person who does that um that person knows he's he's behaving horribly and and so he's not really the good person he thinks he is and again I I I know people who are who are like this that they've made their lives about um convincing themselves that other people are lesser than they are um and and that's that that's a shame because
34:30 um first of all we don't have the ability to really know what's going on with another person even even our spouses if if if you know you have one we as much as we may know about them we we're not we're not living their life we're living a life with them and so uh I I I say you know when I deal with the subject look I leave the the the accounting What's called the heshbon in Hebrew um the accounting of of a human being's life I leave that to God I I I have no idea you know what are the what are the
35:05 CH true challenges that a person has how well are they dealing with them I can't possibly know that um all I can know is as best as possible is is on that in that regard is myself okay so I don't know the challenges that another human being has faced and and so they may have very well faced much bigger challenges than I ever did and they may have come much farther than I ever could but but not knowing that I can't see it so for me to suggest that I'm you know that
35:40 that some person you know is is desire is deserving of my scorn is is completely untrue uh so um I think again that's the kind of positivity that Dale Carnegie uh espoused not the the sort of you know you you always got to see the the you know the Sunny Side of the Street like what I call toxic positivity everything gets turned know no matter how it is you know there you know you turn it into a it it's being great no I I with with due
36:17 respect I I don't believe sometimes bad things happen in life and they are bad and they are sad I mean there there there are traged in life I just before I started the show um I I got an email from someone I had just been introduced to yesterday um a potential business uh uh contact and I had sent him an email saying hey it's great to meet you um if you have some time I'd love to talk with you this afternoon and the email I got back was I got evacuated from my house because of the fires as did 90% of my
36:55 staff okay I'm sorry there's no way to look at that positively oh well this is an opportunity to look at a different way of Liv I mean come on the fire is a disaster let's be honest with each other the fire is a disaster getting evacuated from your house is very very difficult and to suggest that there's you know some sort of positive side of that especially while it's going on that that would would be what I would That's What I Call toxic positivity
37:31 better to acknowledge the difficulty that the person is going through and offer support and help okay and then once they've had an opportunity to deal with the chaos to recover from whatever it was you know then help them you know move their life in a more positive in a positive direction not a more positive in a positive direction but it again going back to that key concept genuine so the positivity has to be for the genuine benefit of the individual
38:09 and and that's again I think that is what um identifies Dale Carnegie's idea of positivity so um you know he he would say look avoid criticizing condemning comp complaining about other people complaining about your life right look we can all sort of whine on and on about our lives um and and and by the way sometimes we need to get that off our chest and if we're talking to a close friend one of our top five so then it's
38:44 appropriate um because we don't want to bottle all that up inside because eventually it is going to come out but in general when we're interacting with people you know put put the criticism aside okay now again if if it's someone that's close to us and they're doing something that's hurting themselves hopefully that relationship is close enough where you can say to the person hey look I mean this for for your benefit I'm not sure you realize how you're coming off to other people okay so if you're going to serve up criticism then we need to serve it up
39:19 in a way that will be most likely to be heard by the person and help them to handle things better in the future right so we want to you know we we want to productively uh criticize if you will okay condemnation rarely if ever okay you yeah you can condemn Hitler all you want frankly you can condemn Vladimir Putin all you want I have I have friends who tell me that Putin's a good guy sorry
39:55 don't buy it okay the only reason he's not Hitler is he doesn't have the power and Charisma that that Hitler had that's all so you know the only reason he's not Stalin same thing doesn't have the power in Charisma and and and and perhaps the the absolutely dogged ruthlessness um that that Hitler had but we're talking about a former head of the KGB right so you want to condemn Vladimir Putin go at it right um there are I I'm not saying you know there's no one worthy of being condemned you know um
40:30 murderers uh terrorists absolutely condemn them but in our day-to-day lives the overwhelming majority of people that we come in contact with there's there's just no basis for condemning them at at all right and and it's become a big thing here in the United States especially in the political realm to condemn the the people who you disagree with politically I find that to be completely useless thing to do I may disagree with with you know their political beliefs fine I disagree with their political
41:05 beliefs okay but in general that does not that that does not make them evil okay it I'm talking about in in sort of mainstream American beliefs from you know right to left or left to right whatever you want to say people people have different beliefs they they had different upbringings etc etc so there's uh you know condemning them because they disagree with me I think is a frankly a foolish approach and it's it's a violation of of having good people skills as well okay um and
41:42 um um in terms of leadership so um rather than um um forcing people to do our will um we want to help them understand why joining with us in this effort is to our mutual benefit okay again that's influencing through positivity now of course leadership like that is not always appropriate you're in the middle of a battle on you know on you know in a war
42:17 okay you know you're gonna give the orders and and and that's it that's how that's how it works but here in you know civilian life um you know the idea that we're going to give orders and people are going to you know follow us and be um and be you know sincere adherence to our um our plan not nearly as likely to happen today as it was you know a century ago um and and so we want to use positivity in in how we um work with
42:53 people to to to lead them if you will to adopt our our mission and finally we want to give honest and sincere appreciation right I I knew someone who used to say thank you all the time and what I came to realize was it was just a habit I I don't think there was much thought behind it I'm not I don't want to say that the person was insincere per se but it it was just it was just the way the person spoke um so I think that we're better off maybe not expressing appreciation quite so often so that when
43:30 we do the P the recipient knows that we're being sincere that we honestly appreciate their their effort right so one sincere thank you is better than 10 thank yous that are just sort of set off the top of our head because that's you know that's the Habit we've we've you know we've U we've developed okay so um next overcome fear through building confidence so um again this was another part of of Carnegie's personal development really facing our fears to
44:06 overcome them okay and and learning to act with confidence even when we feel uncertain right this so-called fake it till you make it right um you know I I remember um counseling a married couple that was going through some difficulties and and they they sincerely wanted their marriage to endure um but they they were struggling and I said well you know how about you
44:41 know treating each other nicely even when you don't feel in particularly nicely toward your spouse and and the the wife turned me she said she said so even if I'm am am am mad at my my husband I should treat him nicely I said well I mean look obviously you want to deal with whatever it is that um has he's done that that angered you but um that doesn't mean that you know you you you know you have to you know jump on him if you know act
45:17 with confidence that you know you you love this man and you're going to work these things through even though you don't know for sure if you're going to work through right that attitude will be much more productive um and and it will it will build his confidence too if you approach him with the attitude that you think this can be worked out then he's more likely to open up to you and work with you to work the issue through and vice versa right so um and and another important skill in
45:53 this is the ability to um as um as uh shoot I wish I could remember the Fell's name now I took sales training from him the famous real estate guy he he he he said I never see failure as failure but only the opportunity to learn and grow I'm I'm paraphrasing it a little bit right so and indeed that is what failure is okay failure is a growth opportunity now we may not be able to see that right at the moment when it becomes evident that we failed okay I I
46:30 get it I get it um you know maybe it would be nice if we could make these transitions instantaneously but but that's not necessar that's that's probably not you know going to be the case however we need to teach ourselves to habituate ourselves to the process of reframing um the the failures we have in our life as opportunities to learn lessons and to do better next time right that's something I I've tried very hard
47:06 to instill in my daughter for example right um and and and I think that's it's important now it's not easy right and some failures seem very devastating okay um and by the way some failures they just are failures okay that's not to say that there aren't lessons that can be learned from them they they can be but in the end there's still failures okay and if that's the case we just have to come to terms with okay I failed in this respect I'm gonna um take the lessons that I can and move on with my life um that that may be
47:41 the best that I C that I can do okay and that this sort of dubils on the ability to resolve conflicts so um the Carnegie really developed methods that first of all um helped people avoid uh arguments so um one of the habits I've um worked very hard to develop over the years is if I say something to someone and they
48:16 come back at me um in in a you know in in disagreement so I've trained myself to think oh I I think maybe I didn't explain myself well so I take responsibility for for them you know responding to me um in a way that that demonstrates that perhaps you know they don't I they don't understand what it is I said so rather than saying you don't you're not getting it or you don't understand I'll say I I
48:52 think I haven't explained myself well um let let me try again okay that gives them the opportunity to keep their minds open because I haven't condemned them I've I've taken the responsibility and it gives me the opportunity to take a second or sometimes even a third shot at explaining myself in a way that maybe they will hear it now sometimes people are just not open to hearing our point of view okay now that's that's human beings right but rather than putting the
49:28 burden of understanding you on the other person take it for yourself and that's a good way to avoid arguments okay and I I talked about this next one earlier respecting the opinions of people even if you disagree now I would tweak that a little bit because although Carnegie says you should respect the opinions I'm not sure we need to respect an opinion that we dis disagree with it depends on what that opinion is okay so someone may have an opinion about a situation that I think is
50:04 damaging either to them or other people so I don't have to respect that opinion okay I I I probably need to listen to it but I don't need to respect it so I I would differ with with Carnegie there and finally openly and quickly admitting mistakes um when we make them right rather than doubling down right no no no I was right and blah blah blah blah blah that's a good way to get into an argument to create a big conflict no if you made a mistake we made a mistake oh
50:39 shoot I made a mistake I you know you're right I didn't I didn't see it or I wasn't aware of the full picture or sometimes I had an I had I had an incident in a meeting um yesterday and um they said well didn't you say such and such last meeting and I said did I I said oh okay I I mean I'll take you at your word I guess I did I said I don't know why I said that I said because it doesn't make sense to me now so and then they went on to explain it and then I
51:15 said oh okay now now I know what you're talking about I said okay yeah okay yes yes this this is what it was about and um you know you know thank you for the the the better explanation right but but look sometimes we're wrong we just are let's just let's just own it and move on right um I don't know about you I don't want people to think that I'm perfect because I can't possibly keep up that illusion it's not going to work okay finally um we want to seek the goal is
51:52 not Perfection it's continuous Improv Improvement and and this I think aside from having people skills I and this is these are kind of the bookins people skills to begin with continuous Improvement to end with right it's it's not about being perfect because we're never going to reach that state it's always about being a little bit better today than we were tomorrow and even knowing that sometimes we're going to be worse today than we were tomorrow okay
52:28 all right that happens right go to bed wake up the next day and and you know recommit ourselves to improving the next day right so how do how do we you know engage in continuous Improvement well first of all lifetime learning if you're watching this show you are engaging in continuous Improvement right professionally always looking for new learning opportunities opportunities for new experiences Maybe uh taking on a new Mentor something like that okay so regularly seek feedback now you don't
53:04 have to seek feedback from everybody and I I I would not I would not at all advise that okay if if a person doesn't know you well you want to be careful about seeking feedback from that person right um now maybe you you gave a talk and they heard the talk and you asked for feedback about the talk fine um but but especially if you're looking for person feedback um get it from people who know you well and who've known you a long time and who have a a sense of understanding about you and ignore the feedback especially the unasked for
53:41 feedback that you get from other people because they don't really know you so what they're saying is may not be valid at all so you know be and and then next be open to to new ideas now um I I I'm probably going to get the the expression a little bit wrong but like we don't want to have Minds that are so open they roll you know they roll out of our ears right um where we expect we where we accept every idea no matter how crazy ridiculous or harmful it is not at all um but be open to hearing something
54:19 okay and and look there may be some things we hear that we're going to object uh uh reject out of hand um but other things hey you know that's a good idea so again I was in a meeting this morning and we were discussing an issue um that I had raised and um and the people I was talking to said well you know I I thought you I when I was thinking about the idea um I thought it was important for this reason I'm like oh yeah that's you that's a great idea that's actually a better idea for thinking about this issue than what I
54:54 was than the reason I was thinking about it right I was suggesting change largely for the sake of change um but this person had the person I was one of the people I was meeting with had an actual reason why uh you know she thought you know we should be considering this change I'm like oh there you go right so it's good to be open to these things some some sometimes it'll be small things sometimes larger things but but have a sense of openness about them um and finally we want to practice we want to practice the skills that were so when I was first working to
55:29 habituate the response of oh I think maybe I didn't explain it correctly so if you know mind I'll try it again I had to be very intentional about doing that okay now it largely happens out of habit because I've been I've been working on it for for years and years and years and years and years um but especially when we're trying to adopt a change we need to be very intentional about practicing that change and again this is all part of Dale Carnegie's philosophy so what
56:05 what you've been hearing from me here I've been giving you examples from my own life but they're examples of how I applied Dale Carnegie's principles and and and hopefully from my example um you will um get a sense of how you can apply these ideas in your own life so that that's in the end that's the really the goal um that that that I that I would that I'm seeking um you know on your be for you I guess as a as a you know as a teacher in this sense so um you know
56:41 real quickly just um um reviewing uh the the the points of of Dale Carnegie's philosophy that I covered um first of all um develop people skills um in seek to influence through posit it um overcome fear and build your confidence learn how to avoid uh and and and um a avoid conflict and and and how to resolve conflict when it arises and finally um commit to continuous Improvement those are the philosophies of the the the self-help um
57:20 Messiah as as step Watts calls um Dale Carnegie and I I you know again I recommend to you both um stepen Watts's book and um the uh the the uh philosophy of of Dale Carnegie so thank you so much for joining me today on people making money I appreciate it very much especially my live viewers always great to see uh this is my last show for this week so um um I wish you a wonderful rest of the day and week next week
57:56 on Monday at 10: a.m. is my show trust and Estates weekly my guest is let me make sure I get it correct here uh yes Michael seagull okay and so I I hope you'll join uh Michael and me to hear uh what what he has to say on Tuesday at uh 10 a pacific time is my show uh people I'm sorry business lessons from the military and my subject is um tame your bureaucracy uh and uh you'll have to
58:33 tune in to find out what that's about and then a week from today will be the next edition of people making money and then next week on Thursdays is uh my every other week show jiggers is place where we sit down toward the end of the afternoon it's it's at 5:00 p.m Pacific time so it's getting toward the end of the day and heading to the end of week we have a cocktail and we talk about all those things that are so important in life uh besides our businesses and professions and wealth building and all that kind of stuff so I wish you a wonderful rest of
59:08 the day and rest of the week and if if you're here in the Los Angeles area with me um I I hope you you are you and yours are safe uh from the fires and uh and that um you know the the the tragedy that you're um dealing with is is is soon resolved so uh signing off as I always do Marie darling you are my bell C