The WAY to WOW Shows
Ethical Wills
September 8, 2025
Automatically generated from YouTube captions; names and wording may contain errors.

[0:03] Who are you? And where are you going? What do you want? [Music] Hello and welcome to Trust and Estates Weekly. I'm your host, Kevin Bemmel, and I'm here every Monday at 10:00 a.m. Pacific time. So, for those of you who've seen the show before, you're you're saying, "Wait, you're dressed differently this morning." And the answer is yes, because just a minute and 15 seconds before showtime, I was in a

[0:39] hearing in Los Angeles Superior Court, and there was, first of all, I I you know, I was taught you wear a suit when you go to court. So, uh, there was not time to, uh, to change, but and I had to I had to turn down a call by my lawyer, who I think wants to talk about what happened, and I'll have to talk to him after the show. So, this this is the life of a professional fiduciary sometimes, right? Lots and lots of fun. Uh, it was an interesting court hearing. Uh it I'll I'll I'll tell

[1:16] you a little bit about it to show you how complex um these situations can get. So a man died. He uh purportedly created a will and a trust. Okay. He appointed his business partner as the executive of his will. However, uh the will was not witnessed or at least there's no signatures by witnesses and so the there is a will contest. Uh the

[1:52] presumption since the original will does not exist. There's only a copy and at best the copy was m the the original will was maybe signed by the deedent but all we have is a copy. There's no there's not even lines where witnesses could have signed the will. So the the business partner uh is trying to get the will upheld so that he can control any part of the estate that is outside of a trust. Um and and there's some question as to

[2:27] whether uh the trust is valid as well. All of this is set against a situation where the deedent has a minor child who appears to be completely disinherited if in fact there the will is valid and the trust is valid. Right? And so as you can imagine there are people who are interested in making sure that the child is not uh disinherited wrongly and there are

[3:02] people other people who are interested in getting their hands on the money and and the judge is in the middle uh trying to do the right thing and as lawyers are want to do they are representing their clients uh to the exclusion of what may otherwise seem to be fair. So, and and the estate uh including evidently the property that may or may not be in the trust is worth I've heard figures anywhere from zero to hund00 million.

[3:41] And you think that Dallas was an exciting show. Okay, that's that's what goes on in probate sometimes. And and This is why it is so important to have an estate plan that have it be properly drawn up to have there be no ambiguity as to who is to represent you. And I would add that, you know, to be very clear about whether the people you think should be representing you once you've

[4:17] died really are of the kind of reputation that you can count on them to fulfill your wishes rather than be self-erving. And so um you know what's happening in this case is uh there there you know there's a lot of time has been this let's see this has been going on I'll tell you real quickly. Yeah this has been going on already for the better part of a year. Um and the court just at this hearing

[4:53] appointed a special administrator for a limited period of time roughly about uh uh two and a half months just to make sure that uh you know the it the daughter is is not inadvertently disinherited because uh someone else has control of assets uh that that shouldn't. So, it's a very very difficult case. Uh, one that potentially could result in a great deal of litigation. Um, on the other hand, it could be something that's very simple. The the

[5:29] purported witnesses, oral witnesses to the will could lack any kind of credibility and and therefore the will would be found to be um incurably defective and having and have no bearing. and and then it would be a matter of what are the terms of the trust and who is going to um be the trust who's going to be appointed as the trustee under the trust uh to make sure that everybody's all the beneficiaries of the trust are um um you know properly uh attended to

[6:04] or it could be the trust is also determined to be invalid and now there is a a an intestate succession where possibly there are zero assets. So there you go. Uh that is not the subject for today's show. However, uh on today's show, I want to talk about something called an ethical will. And maybe what I just explained to you is is a good a good introduction to the concept of an ethical will. uh be and

[6:41] and and this is something by the way that I've I first heard about gosh more than 40 years ago when I was a Sunday school teacher and the idea was raised that there are other things besides money that we often times feel are important maybe even more important than money that we want to leave as a legacy. to our heirs whether it's family members, friends, etc. and that is

[7:18] the the um the purpose of an ethical will. Now, I would venture to say that very very few estate planning attorneys ever address the concept of an ethical will. And I think that's a shame. Um while as I mentioned a moment ago I was introduced to this concept as a Sunday school teacher. So obviously in a religious school context I taught at a Jewish Sunday school. Uh one doesn't

[7:53] have to be uh religious or even or religious in any traditional sense of the word in order to have a desire to pass along things of value that nonmonetary things of value to one's family, one's heirs, etc. And so that's why I'm going to take up this subject. I'm going to a little bit put on my, you know, rabbi hat today. in addition to my professional fiduciary hat and talk about the sort of what, why, how of of

[8:29] ethical wills. So that if if you are working with an estate planning attorney who hasn't raised the idea of creating an ethical will, uh you can if you think it's something that you want to be part of your estate plan. So first of all, let's talk about what is an ethical will. So an ethical will, it's a non-legal document in which someone shares their values, their life lessons,

[9:06] even personal stories and hopes for future generations. So unlike a traditional will that passes down money and property, an ethical will passes down meaning, wisdom, and legacy, non-monetary legacy. I I'll I'll take a moment here. Legacy has a specific legal meaning in probate. A legacy is the um is the nonreal real property left to the heirs

[9:43] of an estate. Okay. So that's where the term legate comes from. Someone is a legate of an estate when they are an heir to what's known as personal property, nonreal personal property. So, but when we when I use this term legacy in the in the context of a an ethical will, I'm using it in not it in a non-legal sense and it kind of a broad meaning legacy as in you know a memory of our lives the the the the lessons the meaning the wisdom

[10:19] that we want to uh pass to the next generation. So, you will sometimes hear an ethical an ethical will uh referred to as a legacy letter. It's just another name for it. I like the term ethical will. I I I it seems to me to have to be a more impactful term, but but a legacy letter means the same thing. Now, uh it is not binding on your personal representative or any of your heirs. uh it's not that kind of

[10:54] document. At least it's not legally binding. However, it is morally binding to the extent that you say in your ethical will, I I put you under moral obligation to follow the terms of this will. Now, of course, a court will not enforce a moral obligation. It has no standing to do so. However, for some of us at least, a moral obligation may trump a legal obligation

[11:30] uh depending on the context. And I think I do think it's a shame that there are some people maybe many people in our society who would just discard the notion of a moral obligation on its face. um especially in the context of someone who has died and and has very profound wishes about how things should be handled post death. So it's not legally binding um but uh it it it may

[12:07] be and it can be I think be set up to be morally binding. Okay. Uh typically uh it's set up to an to address an entire family or an entire group of people, family, friends. Um but it can be uh like like a regular will. It can be set up to address specific individuals. And by the way, it needn't be one or the other. It can be a situation where part of the ethical will addresses everyone and then there are

[12:43] subp parts to address individuals maybe a child or a grandchild or a sibling or you you know or a particular friend. So uh there is no set format in that in that sense uh but uh it's it's really what your preference would be. And finally, it captures the why behind your decisions, not just the what. So, so for example, uh let's say that for particular reasons you have

[13:18] decided to disinherit somebody, okay, in your will, okay, or for that matter in a trust, okay? And by the way, you can do an ethical will even though you have a trust. Okay. Um so but let's say h in whatever instrument you decided to disinherit somebody. Okay. Now that person is likely to be upset, maybe angry. Maybe that person feels that other siblings or other heirs uh sort of had

[13:56] an undue influence on you and disinheriting them and it could cause acrimony between the disinherited individual and the beneficiaries or heirs of your estate. Okay? And you may not think that's a good thing. You may not want your beneficiaries and heirs uh to be subject to blame by the person you have chosen to disinherit. So an ethical will is an excellent place for you to explain to that disinherited individual why that person was disinherited. Okay? And you can state plainly this

[14:33] decision I made this decision. It has nothing to do with your siblings or you know other people who are benefiting under my will or my trust. Now of course there's no way you can force the person to believe what you're saying. However, from your beneficiaries standpoint, they may appreciate that in an ethical will, you absolve them of responsibility

[15:09] so that should they be attacked by uh you know by the disinherited individual, they can have a clear conscience with respect to why you took this step. and and any obligation they might have to potentially undo it by sharing what they're receiving with the person who was disinherited. Okay. So, the why behind decisions oftenimes is a very good thing for uh someone to to explain

[15:46] in order to avoid conflict after their death. So, so that's that's what an ethical will is. Okay, let's let's talk now about why they are important. So a as as as hopefully will be the case right when we shuffle off this mortal coil as Shakespeare says uh we will leave behind some people who are uh saddened, grieved um emotionally impacted by our death.

[16:22] And it can be uh a source of solace that uh we provide them with some emotional and moral guidance during this time of grieving that we thought enough about what they would be going through after we're gone that we took the steps to do that. So I I I would say one of the strongest reasons for for creating an ethical will is to provide that emotional support and moral

[16:58] guidance uh to the heirs and beneficiaries of your estate. So that's number one. Number two, I mentioned this before, it's to help family members understand the intent behind financial decisions. So this is this is maybe a a broader uh than just capturing the why per se. Okay, it's it's it's you know here's here's why I'm doing or here's here's my intent behind financial decisions. So, especially you, my personal representative,

[17:34] you can make decisions knowing my broad intent behind my various estate behind my estate plan. Right? A why behind a decision might apply to an individual. The overall intent behind your estate plan will give your your personal representative and your beneficiaries a a more global sense of how you approached your estate plan and why you

[18:10] know financial decisions broadly were made the way they were. Okay. Next, an ethical will will help you preserve family history, traditions, and your personal philosophy. Okay, let's say for example that part of your personal philosophy is that animals be treated with decency. Okay, so uh not everybody believes that. Okay. And you know some people feel it's

[18:45] you know patently ridiculous to spend money on you know health care for a pet for example. Well uh I mean that was a not uncommon belief you know 100 years ago. We have a different approach to that now generally speaking that animals shouldn't suffer. Uh but you know the way we go about uh doing our best to prevent animals from suffering could be anything from seeing to it that they have proper uh veterary care maybe even

[19:20] somewhat extraordinary veterary care surgery etc. so that they can live a healthy life to euthanizing an animal that is suffer suffering so that they're not the animal is not suffering anymore. Well, you know, you may not want your pet to be euthanized if it, you know, gets sick. Okay? You you may feel like you want your philosophy that animals should be treated should be treated decently to be

[19:57] carried on so long as um your estate is active in which case it would be within your personal representatives perview to see to it that a pet was properly was cared for properly. uh and and and afterwards and and and that it was part of the personal representative's duty to make sure that whoever adopted that pet uh had that same philosophy. Okay. So, these are the kinds of things that you can do in an ethical will that it's it's

[20:33] more it it's more difficult to to accomplish them through your legal estate planning documents. Now you say, well, in my trust, can't I put a clause in my trust uh requiring that uh that my my trustee see to it that whoever is charged with um you know uh taking care of my pet after my death is will not, you know, euthanize my pet. Well, you can do that, but um and I'm not giving legal advice here, of course, but I'm just talking in a general way. Uh once

[21:12] we start putting those kinds of very specific requirements in our trust, we can hamper our trustes ability to effectively administrate it as well. Uh we could put the trustee in a position where he would have to get a court involved if he, you know, needed to do something that violated such a pro provision. but you know did make sense in the context of truly uh truly complying with your wishes. So

[21:49] putting an animal in the care of someone who won't euthanize it but what if the animal is so critically sick that all it can look forward to is months if not years of true suffering uh with no help of of ever recovering. You know is that really what you want for your pet? and and so then well I'll add a clause to the clause saying that you know what I'm saying it goes on and on and on. It's very difficult to put and and problematic as well to put into a legal document those kinds of very

[22:25] specific instructions. Uh however, they can be put in an ethical will and and and hopefully the person you've you've chosen as your personal representative is the kind of individual who will look at such a document, take it very seriously and make it part of his approach to the administration of your estate. Okay, let's take a break. When life brings unexpected changes, managing inherited property shouldn't add to your stress. Magnum Properties

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[23:37] So this is Trust and Estates Weekly and I'm your host Kevin Bemel and we're talk I'm talking about ethical wills. Okay, this is a non-legally binding document that I I would encourage you to consider as part of your overall estate plan. So, I talked about what they are, why they're important. Now, let's let's look there's a there's a historical and cultural uh background to ethical wills. Uh, as I mentioned at the beginning of the show, I first learned about them as a Sunday school teacher in a at a at the synagogue. And in fact, the concept of

[24:14] an ethical will is rooted in Jewish tradition going back really millennia, but certainly several hundred years. Uh but there are versions of them that exist in in other cultures. They may not go by the same name, but the idea of creating a document to transmit your your your values, your ideals, your philosophy, your history, traditions to succeeding generations. That is something that I think uh you know resonates with with lots of of

[24:49] cultures and and and lots of religions. So uh uh with within that context uh if you were to you know do research on ethical wills you you would find that among ancient texts in m in multiple uh traditions you would find ethical instructions for deedants. Okay. So again, they may not be given the formal name ethical will or legacy letter or anything like that, but but this concept of passing down these uh nonfinancial

[25:27] the non-financial part of one's legacy it you would definitely find throughout human history. Um in in medieval Europe, they were often written by parents to guide children in faith and daily life. And in modern times, um, I think they are being somewhat rediscovered as part of holistic estate planning. Now, again, your estate planning attorney may not have heard of them or it may not be on his radar. Um, but if you think it's something of value, you can always raise it uh and and get his assistance. Or it

[26:05] may be something that if if if you follow a particular religious tradition that you meet with the clergy of of of your house of worship and and work with them to create an ethical will that you then uh you know submit to your attorney to be made part of your overall estate plan. uh and and there there's lots of ways to convey uh the your your ideas and your thoughts uh in in an ethical will. Could be through

[26:40] storytelling, could be through proverbs, it could be through blessings. Um all of these can serve as uh parts of or or the ethical will in toto. Uh for example, you may have a particular poem that you find deeply meaningful in in the way it it aspires to guide uh your life. And uh I I know when I turned 13 and I had my bar mitzvah, my mother read to me a poem

[27:16] by Rudy Kipling called If. And while you know she's still alive right low this uh almost 80 years later uh in many ways that poem which you you can't see it but it's posted on my the partition behind me. Um that poem has been a guiding document for me in understanding the man that my mother wished me to become. Right? And so there's there's again many ways that

[27:54] ethical wills can be uh crafted to uh convey your message uh in in different ways. And and I would add, by the way, that a blessing or a poem may be a more powerful way to convey your message than simple pros or or just, you know, the writing of instructions. And indeed, again, it doesn't mean there's there's nothing that says it has to be one or the other. You can you can do both. uh you know you could say I I I hope that my estate or I'm saying I hope

[28:30] that my you know grandson uh Kevin just use to use a name I hope he will guide his life according to the ideals expressed in Rudy Kipling's poem if and then you have the text of the poem so it's read to your grandchild or something like that right so there's lots of ways that these can be can be God. So that having been said, so what what are the forms that ethical wills can take? Well, by by its alternate

[29:05] term, legacy letter, it can take the form of a letter, you know, dear my heirs and beneficiaries or dear and you name all the people to whom it's addressed. Or maybe you do uh maybe it's only addressed to one individual. However you set that up, it can be written as a letter. It can be written as an essay, right? Like we did in what junior high school and and afterwards, right? Th those are the way that historically they were done. Okay? However, these days, especially with the ease by which we can uh you know use

[29:43] video and audio, right? We all have, you know, a superb uh, you know, um, uh, you know, video camera available available to us with our, you know, smartphones. So, we can do a video or an audio recording. Okay? And and it can be played at the reading of a will. Although these days I don't think there's they do formal readings of a will but you can give your personal representative the responsibility for distributing your ethical will audio

[30:19] recording or video uh to to the to you know to whoever the group of people is to whom it needs to be distributed or who to whom you want it distributed. Okay. So that's that's another way of creating an an ethical will. Another way is to create a scrapbook or artwork or even multimedia projects again to express what what you know your philosophies your ideas are. So let's let's take an example where you are you have a particular love for

[30:55] the outofdoors and you feel it's important for people to conserve the natural uh environment. So maybe you'll take a hike and during the hike you'll take some videos of of different things that you find to be particularly moving or or particularly good examples of why you find nature to be worthy of being preserved. Maybe you get a picture of a deer running through a forest or a picture of a hawk uh just

[31:31] sort of the way they do kind of they're not soaring. They they almost they're hardly moving. They just sort of with their wings and the wind they they hover over a particular location, you know, in many ways a truly awesome site. and and that's probably one of the few times you've ever heard me use that word uh in in any of my shows. So, you know, you could take videos and intersperse them with uh dialogue or you could write an essay and and at

[32:07] different points in the essay uh have uh you know video portions or audio portions uh inset into it. All of that can be done these days. you could set up a website for that matter if you really wanted to do something involved. Right? So, uh, all of those are ways that you can consider creating your your ethical will and and these days, uh, you know, all kinds of hybrid, uh, versions can be created. And then,

[32:44] you know, you may need to you you I I would I shouldn't say you may need to. I would say I would recommend that you have something in your estate plan that explains just, you know, briefly what your ethical will is, uh where it can be found, uh you know, to whom it is addressed and and how you want it delivered to those people, right? and that should be part of your overall estate plan. So, uh again, these days maybe not so common to have a a notebook

[33:19] with all the planned documents in it. Uh at least not a you know a a realworld notebook. Maybe you have a virtual notebook. It's actually a file, a computer file, but there should be a document in there somewhere that talks about the existence of an ethical will and and explains again how to access it, etc. Okay? So while you may choose to create an ex an an ethical will with the assistance of clergy or or someone you know with whom

[33:55] you you entrust this creation of your nonmonetary legacy. uh you are going to want to have your estate planning attorney knowledgeable about it so that it can fulfill its purpose as part of your overall estate plan. Okay. Uh next, so when should you create an ethical will? So, I would say that just like it's prudent to create your estate plan when you're young, knowing that over the coming years

[34:30] you'll have to revise it. I would suggest you do the same thing with an ethical will. You needn't wait until, you know, death or infirmity is imminent to take the time to do it. And and I would I would rather suggest that uh at that point you may be in the least good position to create such a document. uh a and and it probably or I shouldn't say probably it may not be as effective as if you had initially created it maybe when you I

[35:06] don't know first got married or first had children or something like that where over the succeeding years you can watch how your ideas maybe change or maybe how they don't change how your interaction with various family members has grown matured or atrophied deed. All of these can add depth to an ethical will that can only come through the passage of time and in essence the tracking of your own maturity. Okay. So,

[35:44] uh you know again my original recommendation on this is write your your first ethical will as soon as you start climbing into the estate planning process. Okay? And by the way, maybe it's the first document in your estate plan that you create and that's what gives you the impetus to follow through on the monetary part of your estate plan. Okay? Maybe you're not someone who particularly cares about money. And and by the way, it's not only people who don't have a lot of money who don't particularly care about money. Lots of people don't find money to be the most

[36:20] powerful force in their lives. and and and so that's I think one of the reasons why they neglect to do an estate plan. It's it's just not that a monetary estate plan in this context. It's just not that important to them because because money is not the focus of their life, they kind of assume that it's not the focus of other people's lives, right? And and unfortunately that may not be a valid assumption with respect to our potential heirs and beneficiaries. And so doing our ethical will first

[36:55] can help us get in touch of where those potential conflicts may lie. As we seek to set down on paper our values, our philosophies, our hopes for future generations, we may come to terms with the fact that we do know that succeeding generations don't share our outlook and our values. And because of that and in pursuance of those values, it becomes more important to complete a mon the monetary portion

[37:32] of our estate plan than we otherwise might have thought it would have been. Okay? So, get started on your ethical will as soon as possible and it can be a part of a larger legacy project. So, I know my mother, for example, over the last few years, she's been going through all of all of her stuff. She's given loads of pictures to my older sister, Mara. She's given away some books, uh, two or three of which have been on her bookshelf since I was a

[38:07] kid. And I've always, uh, I frankly, uh, admired those books. They're beautiful. Um, because they're so old. um they've just always I've found them very attractive and to my surprise really uh she gave me those books. I think it was about a year ago. I was very very pleased to receive them. Not just because they're so beautiful, but because it's an expression of of love uh from my mother and in recognition that she understands this part of me, this, you know, biblopile part of me that I

[38:44] that I think is one of the the traits that we share. So again, an ethical will can be part of an overall uh legacy project and it might motivate you to start dealing with, you know, all of the stuff that we so often accumulate through life, start passing it to future generations now, especially if we're not using it, right? Uh, I mean, maybe you have china silverware that you just don't use anymore for whatever reason. Uh, and and

[39:21] I I I know someone who's been on my show, uh, Hillary Cooper, she talks about how younger generations don't want it. I'm not so sure I agree with that. Uh I was very happy to get uh two or three sets of silverware, actual silverware uh that my father's mother, my my maternal my paternal grandmother, my in Yiddish she's called my Bobby uh had and used. I probably ate using this silverware as a child. I don't remember doing so, but I probably did. And so to

[39:56] have them as a memory of my bulby is is very meaningful to me. And I use it for I I I have one set that I use for well there's two sets that were very small that I used for just everyday meals. And then I have another set that I use for the Sabbath. And it's it's a way to remember her, to connect with her, the memories I had about uh eating, you know, kosher meals in her home and that sort of thing. So again, an ethical will can be part of this larger legacy project, maybe even the writing of a memoir. Okay. Um and and then once

[40:33] you've gotten started on it, you can update it throughout your life as your values and perspectives evolve, as your philosophy maybe changes, right? Um that is that is the nature of human existence. Okay? Um and you can also um bring to it uh milestone events, weddings, births, anniversaries. So let's say when you you write your initial uh ethical will, maybe it's at a time when you get married and then you have a child, right? So now maybe you're

[41:09] going to change you're going to update your ethical will in light of that child. Okay? and over and then the years go by and now that child gets married and has a child and you so your your ethical will can grow and become a a a truly um broad familial philosophy document um that excuse me if you tried to sit down and write in one or two sittings or even a week's worth of sittings would not have the richness and depth that it that it

[41:44] would have if you've written it over years and decades. And finally, um it can take special significance when you're facing illness or or even end of life planning. So, you know, again, as going back to what I said at the beginning of this topic, writing it when your infirmity or death is imminent is probably the the least good time to write an ethical will. Um, your ability to do so may be impaired by

[42:19] your your growing infirmity. uh you you you know thoughts of your impending death may cloud what you otherwise would want to say to your family and heirs and so the sooner you get started on it the better. Okay, let's take another break. Probate and Trust TV, your curated source for the most useful and insightful content on estate planning and trust and probate administration, featuring standout professionals like Bill Gross, Paul Bralet, James

[42:55] Cunningham, and yours truly. Whether you're a lawyer, accountant, real estate professional, or working on your own succession plan, this channel helps you quickly find the clearest, most practical content YouTube has to offer. Subscribe now to Probate and Trust TV. Spend more time learning, less time searching. Okay. I'm Kevin Bemel and this is Trust and Estates Weekly and we're talking I'm talking about ethical will. So been through several points on them and uh

[43:30] have just a few more thoughts uh before I wrap up the show. So um if you are a lawyer or an advisor, okay, and you you want to encourage your clients to write an ethical will, I should say create an ethical will, right? uh it it it may be a little bit uncomfortable talking to them about something that that is not solidly in the legal realm because it's not a legal document. Okay?

[44:05] And and I would encourage you to look at your role as part of the estate planning team in a broad way. So just because something isn't legally binding doesn't mean that it has no efficacy with respect to the administration of an estate and the ability of your client to have an impact on his family um before dur before and after his his death. And

[44:41] so in that context, your raising the issue of the creation of an ethical will is really just part of your uh duty as a trusted advisor. And and it really is in that context that that I would recommend you talk to your clients. So you you can say to them, look, it's a way of connecting the head with the heart, right? What what I'm able to do for you from a legal standpoint, it's all up here. The the

[45:18] divvying up of your, you know, your your assets, your your, you know, brokerage account and your prop, your real estate or whatever it is, right? But that's not going to speak to what's in here, your essence as a human being. And and you can even say, look, I I'm not I'm not clergy. Okay, I can say that, but most most of you probably can, right? Um I'm not clergy, but I do recognize and I and and I've seen so often how the heart gets left out of

[45:54] the the decisions that your personal representative may make, uh how your heirs view what's happened. And I and I think that that's a shame. And and so I I bring this to your attention to in in the interest of making sure that we're being I'm being as comprehensive as possible in helping you create your estate plan. And I think even if a client says, I appreci, you know, I'm not going to do one, they're going to appreciate that you brought it to their attention. And by the way, you've planted a seed. So while they may not

[46:30] find it a worthwhile thing to do at the time you initially raise it, uh maybe at you know in some future meeting you know because an estate plan as you know needs to be periodically uh reviewed and and potentially updated. So maybe farther down the road um the client will just say hey you know I remember you mentioning that ethical will I think it was called. I'd like to talk to you about that again. I I know I rejected it when last we spoke, but I I I I think maybe I need to reconsider it. Okay. And so just that

[47:06] alone will be valuable uh for your clients. So uh one way to um sort of introduce the issue of an ethical will well introduce is the wrong term. One way to help a client who uh has has expressed a potential interest in writing an ethical will is to recommend discussing it in a family meeting so that your client can get a sense of just what kind of impact such a

[47:41] document would have on your client's estate plan. Okay. It is a good idea uh just as a general matter to socialize an estate plan with family members with beneficiaries or potential beneficiaries, right? Uh and and so an ethical will can be part of that same discussion. So um so you know once once you've raised the issue and to the extent that your client has expressed interest if not commitment to creating an ethical

[48:16] will now you have an opportunity that as you go through specific monetary issues. So for example maybe the the client has certain philanthropic or charitable goals for his estate. So those in particular are benefit from an ethical will because charitable or philanthropic giving is as much a matter of the heart as it is a matter of the head. And especially for

[48:53] family members who may resent a a large bequest to a charity or or the setting up of some sort of charitable trust that's coming at the at the at what they perceive as their expense because now there's less money coming to them. So to have a sense of your life philosophy as contained in an ethical will can help can help them understand why you've you've taken this step. And so for you know you lawyers and advisors um of people creating estate plans,

[49:29] this can help you better serve your clients. Okay? And as a professional, you know, you can offer prompts, you can offer templates, you may know someone. I off the top of my head, I don't I and I maybe I I now that in retrospect, I should have researched this before the show, there may be professionals out there that help people write uh ethical wills. Uh certainly, you can refer them to a to their clergymen. uh I if if you know you have a sense that they do have

[50:05] someone a priest, a minister, a rabbi, an imam that you know is is to whom they uh or with whom they know and and interact especially on a regular basis. Okay. All right. So, so that's that's I think how lawyers and advisors can introduce the concept of an ethical will. So, just a a couple of of sort of wrap-up thoughts. So while your estate plan primarily benefits your families or your your your

[50:40] beneficiaries, right, it doesn't necessarily build the kind of strong bonds that you might wish to leave behind after you're gone. And so to the extent that you want to leave a lasting testament to your desire for strong familial bonds, an ethical will is an excellent way of doing that. It can create it can create create uh stronger bonds between the

[51:16] generations by showing them that the administration of an estate is not a purely financial function but it is part of the generational transfer that includes a sense of family history that includes the continuity of philosophy. um but among or from generation to generation. So so that's I think that's very important. Another way that it can benefit your family and and and your

[51:52] friends as well is to help younger heirs really appreciate the family the sacrifices that may have been made that allows them to receive whatever it is they've receiving. Even if it's not that much they didn't work for it. this is something they're getting, you know, by an accident of birth. But to the extent that they're getting it, you worked for it. And it's much more valuable for a young person to receive something knowing the true uh value

[52:28] behind it rather than just this the sparse monetary number attached to it. So to the extent that there were familial sacrifices made that there were certain values that were upheld that allowed them to receive this this uh inheritance that's very very powerful and can help them better understand their place not just in in history broadly written but their place in the

[53:03] family itself. self and finally I think that uh it it will provide them with some comfort. Now, I mentioned this at the beginning of the show. Hopefully, when we leave this earth, people are grieving. And so, I think as the elders of of our families, we have an obligation to do our best to provide them with some comfort and a sense of continuity and a contextualization of what it means for a beloved relative to die. And and we are

[53:41] much better able to do that than our younger relatives. We're much better able to do it than clergy oftentimes because we know the specifics of our family. We know the individual attitudes character of of our family members and we can address them on a on a loving individualistic level in a way that clergy cannot. And I will I will tell you this from experience. Look, I've been in lots of situations where I was called upon to offer

[54:20] uh solace in the face of grief. But the fact of the matter is in in so many of those I hardly knew the people if at all I might have met them that day. And so a lot of the things that I can say are or were frankly platitudes. I I meant them as sincerely as I could, but they they I wouldn't even begin to categorize them as the kind of solace that they could have gotten from the the person who had died. Okay. So all of those are ways

[54:57] that an ethical will can benefit your family. Okay. Finally, just some some practical tips for creating um an ethical will. And and and number one, you really want to strive for authenticity. Perfection is not the goal here at all, but the giving of a part of yourself in this in this sense of a part of your emotional and spiritual self. That's what's most important. The writing doesn't need to be perfect. You know me, I'm a grammarian. Uh but but that that's that's not what's important

[55:33] in the creation of an ethical will. It's it's the the meaning that you put behind it and and and how deeply it reflects who you truly are that's most important uh in terms of getting started facing that that blank sheet of paper. Whether you're you're going to write a legacy letter or whether it's going to be more of kind of a script that becomes an audio or video uh project, we all face that blank paper. It can be very daunting. So, a good way to start out is

[56:08] to just start writing down a story that you you think will uh perhaps provide solace uh to your family members after you're gone. and and and then work from there rather than starting with something like maybe an expression of your values that's that could that's potentially more weighty and harder to convey. Okay? And then as I've said already, revisit it and update it periodically. I I I you know it's hard to say what the periodicity should be but not unlike an estate plan a monetary

[56:44] estate plan anytime there's a significant change in your family a birth uh god forbid a death a marriage uh those are those are absolutely um proper times to review your estate plan and to review an ethical will. Okay. beyond that maybe I don't know every two years every four years something like that every five years uh you know and and it could be more often it's it's really at your discretion and finally and I think this is most

[57:19] important to write a truly effective ethical will don't hesitate to express your vulnerability okay you may be sad at the thought that people are going to read this at a time when you're gone and and that you you'll be separated from them. Don't hesitate to let them know that while you hope they will take this ethical will to heart. You're you're saddened by the fact that you're no longer with them.

[57:56] that that they're reading this now as kind of the final gesture of your love and connection to them. Okay, those are you know to express that kind of vulnerability will give greater impact to your ethical will. So again uh I I can't encourage you enough to consider creating an ethical will. make it part of your estate plan, not not only for your own benefit, but for the benefit of your family, your beneficiaries, etc.

[58:31] So, thank you very much for joining me today, especially live viewers. Always a treat. If you have any questions, comments, criticisms, love to hear them. My uh links to uh social media will be in the show notes. And if you found this episode interesting, valuable, useful, and you you think and you know someone that that might benefit from it, I sure would appreciate you passing it along to them. I'd love to have the opportunity to gain them as a viewer or even a subscriber. And by the way, if you haven't subscribed, please consider going to my YouTube channel and

[59:06] subscribing there. Tomorrow at 10 a.m. is my show, uh, Business Lessons from the Military. Wednesday at 10:00 a.m., these are all Pacific time, is my show, People Making Money. And then on Thursday at 5:00 p.m. is my show, Jiggers's Place, where we have a cocktail and a schmoo as we head into the end of the week. So, I hope to see you again later this week. Again, thank you so much for joining me. Wishing you a wonderful rest of the day and signing off as I always do. Marie darling, you

[59:41] are my bell and I'm so grateful that although none of this was written down, that during the last year of your life, you gave me what what was very much an oral uh ethical will. Um memories of which I treasure to this very moment.