The WAY to WOW Shows
Cocktails & Treating People
September 12, 2024
Automatically generated from YouTube captions; names and wording may contain errors.

[0:01] good afternoon and welcome to jigger's place I'm your host Kevin bemel and we are here every other Thursday afternoon at 5:00 pm Pacific time to just sit back relax a little bit not talk about our business and professional lives but talk about all those things that make life worth living uh including a cocktail so uh for those of you who have been have seen any of the social media posts for today's show I'm

[0:37] going to be talking about how we treat people and I was trying to think of you know what is an appropriate cocktail um you know for how we treat people I don't know an Alabama Slammer or you know um sex on the beach right to be a little bit you know racy here um and I decided on the classic Manhattan and I'm I'll I'll explain to you more more about why more about that um after I mix

[1:12] the cocktail but I I will say just right now that to me the experiences I had in Manhattan absolutely highlight what I'm I'm going to be talking with you about uh this afternoon so uh a Manhattan is a whiskey based cocktail it's in fact it uses my favorite kind of whiskey which is rye whiskey and I'm going to be using a Sagamore Spirit Rye uh this is a rye that's made in Maryland and I first came

[1:49] across it when I was in Washington DC I was there to um participate in a friend's uh retirement ceremony from the Navy and there was a a liquor store down the street from my hotel and I was browsing through it um on a Friday afternoon I believe it was and I was talking to the the proprietor and he saying what do you like and I said well I really like rye whiskey and I said what do you what do you have in a local rye whiskey that you recommend and

[2:25] he he recommended Sagamore um since then I I back then I couldn't get Sagamore here in California now you can wonderfully enough and it's it's just a really great expression of of a Ry whiskey and then the other ingredients are sweet fouth uh otherwise known as Italian vermouth or um Roso um this is this happens to be martinian Rossi classic classic vermouth and then angero Fitters specifically the the recipe I have calls for angoo angero

[3:02] bids I'm sure there are other others out there that um that you can use so it's a really um easy uh cocktail to make you start out with an ounce and a half of rye whiskey there we go put pour it in the mixing [Music] glass and then half an ounce of the sweet for M think this is a new bottle maybe

[3:38] not make sure I see that right measure use this here we go half an oun okay and because it's Russo so it's going to add some nice color to the cocktail and then just just a dash of Ang Ang of bitters okay bits just has the most wonderful

[4:13] Aroma okay and of course we're going to now put some ice in our mixing glass and as you've seen me do a number of times on this show get out the bar soon and we're gonna we're GNA mix it until it's really um chilled down the mixing glass will get all Frosty it's going to cause the basic the spirits

[4:48] to mix and it's also going to open them M because the some of the ice will melt a little bit that'll bring great flavor to the cocktail going few more seconds here there we go if you can see that color it's a kind of a beautiful golden color which is always you know cocktail always tastes better um when it looks nice as well okay and you can see the glass is

[5:23] frosting up on the edges and we'll get our strainer and strain it into a cocktail glass there we go yeah this enough for one and normally you top it off with a Marino Cherry I don't I don't care for them so good okay I'll see you in a minute

[6:24] it remed itself so here we are over on my love seat with my bro this this is my this is my comfort spot especially on Friday evenings after Shabbat dinner and I I curl up here and I usually will have a a CNAC and uh maybe even a little ice cream and just relax read and almost inevitably end up falling asleep here so so I I told you that I would explain to you why um a Manhattan I have to have another sip of

[6:59] this it's so good it was it was kind of a tough week so U it's good to good to relax with you so classic classic Manhattan story um most people I talk to think that manhattanites um New Yorkers in general are very rude um that has never been my my

[7:34] experience of numerous times of being in New York um especially New York City um people on the I find people on the island frankly can be rder uh than than people in the city and one of my you know classic examples is um I was in New York I was actually this is um with with my first wife um we um it wasn't really it wasn't our honeymoon but we were taking a trip together and one of my clients lent us

[8:09] his apartment uh in um it was it was basically Midtown Manhattan and my wife had heard about a restaurant that she really wanted to go to and so at this point in my life um I I I wasn't going I hadn't been to New York a lot I think I had been there maybe once or twice before um my my first wife grew up in in Great Neck um on Long Island and so she was she knew the city certainly more than I did but

[8:44] but hadn't been there in many many years because she'd been living in California where we met and so we set out one you know late afternoon to find this restaurant and we're wandering the streets of New York trying to find it and we walking down whatever the particular Street was and you know we have that tourist look on our face of kind of looking around and trying to find numbers and a fellow comes walking up um kind of behind us and he sees

[9:20] we're looking around and he and he stops and he says can I help you and I said Yes actually um we're looking for you know such and such a restaurant and and the fellow says oh yeah yeah I know exactly where that is he says want you come with me and he turns around and takes us back in the direction he had just just come from so he's he's backtracking and whatever he's doing and he takes us about two blocks down the street and then he takes us across the street and down another two blocks to a corner and he he we standing

[9:56] on the corner and he says see across the street there about halfway down the block there's a sign that looks like such and such I'm like yes he says that's the restaurant and and and he's like you got it and we're like yeah thank you so much he's like no problem and he goes and R you know retraces his steps back and goes on his way to me for me anyway that is the classic New York Manhattan example so uh New Yorkers manhattanites brooklynites Etc they're all almost all of them are

[10:33] very proud of their city but they also know something I think that comes from living in a big city where there's a lot of people and that is on the one hand they you need to be able to be standing right next to somebody else and still maintain a sense of personal space so you don't go crazy from people thinking you know from thinking people are always invading your space that's that's number one but the flip side is is being so tightly packed together you you you recognize on some level we all

[11:10] have to work together to make this work otherwise we're going to drive ourselves nuts right and I I think that he would what he did was the epitome of [Music] being nice and kind now I I for those of you who've seen any of my shows this week when I've been promoting this episode I've mentioned several times I've had this conversation with numerous people that that folks uh

[11:49] conflate kind and nice and they are not at all the same thing not in the least sometimes times an act can be both kind and nice but not necessarily so what the fellow did in New York was certainly very kind but it was also nice it's a nice thing for him to do for us very helpful but I'll give you another example so my daughter hates

[12:25] school she always has it's too structured for her she doesn't like how she has to treat the teachers she's uncomfortable with the sort of push and pull of her peers in many cases uh being nice from my daughter's perspective would be to say to her okay you don't have to go to school that would be the nice thing to do but it would not be the kind thing to do at all because by allowing her to not go to

[13:01] school she's missing in in a crucial maturing experience number one and number two the the state makes her go to school the state California says you have to go to school so by letting her not go to school it only means you're we're dragging the day when she can finally say okay I'm done with school and so emotionally it's only elongating her pain so you we talk about this idea of

[13:36] tough love sometimes the kind thing to do is the not nice thing to do that's that's just reality I have to have another sip I for got how much I I like Manhattan my friend Laura when I go to visit her she and her husband live in Fresno usually right after putting my luggage

[14:13] in my room the next thing we're doing is is is Laura is mixing up a a batch of Manhattans and we're kicking back playing with the dogs talking laughing joking and and having you know a couple too many men at so so this I it's it's a difficult it's a difficult question how do we how should we treat people so I I when I when I look at it if I'm dealing with a

[14:48] stranger because my value is I want to treat all people decently this is something that I learned learned from from my friend Ron so I I once said to him I think we need to treat all people respectfully and he said I I I don't agree with that we have to treat all people decently but we don't have to but not all people are respectable and so to treat a disrespectable person with respect is a mistake because it's encouraging that

[15:23] person in their disrespectful Behavior so we have to treat them decently but we don't have to be respectful and I thought a lot about that decided he was absolutely right proving that you can teach at least this old dog new tricks right so when I when I deal when I'm interacting with a stranger so I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm going to be nice to them because if if I

[16:00] do something that is tough love kind they're probably not going to understand that that's what I'm doing we have no relationship all they're going to do is think I'm being a jerk and they're going to get mad and and probably you know do something nasty back so when I'm in public um you know walking down the street or driving or whatever I try to do the nice thing now I I I emphasize try right

[16:35] because sometimes it's hard to do the nice thing like earlier today I was going to see my trainer and I pulled into the left turn lane to go into the parking structure and and a woman pulled her her car onto the side completely blocking access to the parking structure and so I you know toed my horn at her now to her credit she realized I was trying to turn in there and she she took off so you know I I I will say but in general I don't consider honking my Hornet someone to be a nice thing to do

[17:11] sometimes it's necessary I wasn't going to roll down my window and you know start yelling at her um but in general I I try to be nice to people that I that are you know strangers meeting them on the street I you know I I I nod to them I I say a poite thing to them um there's a crossing guard over on the corner of Rexford and Olympic Boulevard where she's on the path that I that I you do my exercising on and whenever I see her I do my best to be nice to her look it it's it's it's a difficult job

[17:47] especially in La being a crossing guard and she's a very nice woman um I I think I don't know if this is her the case in her for her but often times the crossing guards are having to do that because they they've done something wrong they've you know committed some kind of traffic violation or whatever and so they get I think they get like sentenced to crossing guard Duty I I like I said I don't know that that's the case with her I see her there regularly so um may be it may be the job that she has but um

[18:22] drivers are extreme rude to her even though as a cross guard she's there primarily to make sure that children are safe when they're crossing the street walking home from school and and I I I I made it a point to because I she I think at first she was like why are you being so nice to me so I said you know my dad taught me that when there's a crossing guard or for that matter police officer in an intersection it's their intersection and and it is my obligation to obey uh you know their directive and

[18:59] I said so this is your intersection I'm I'm you know I'm not going to leave the curb until you tell me it's it's okay for me to leave the curve because you're making sure that everybody is safe and and I need to you know follow your direction so um it's it's you know it's I think that's the nice thing to do I I kindness I'm not sure really comes into it in that case because we're we're I mean we're a little less than strangers now we've seen each other many times but and she she recognizes me now when I come walking up U when I'm dealing with

[19:37] someone who I consider to be a a real friend so I I it would be unkind of me to be nice to my friends as up to being kind to them because sometimes my friends make mistakes uh sometimes the way they're looking at a particular situation maybe is is not the best way they could be looking at it or at least

[20:13] there's another way to look at it that may be useful for them to perceive and so if I really care about this person then I have to take the risk of using you know hopefully it's only a little of tough love to help them to help them through a a potential Pitfall in their life and that's not nice um and and I count on my friends and and they they they do do this for me to not always be nice to

[20:50] me so I was having a conversation with my friend Michael a couple weeks ago and we were talking about whatever we were talking about and and he said you know uh I'm going to say something to you and I think it's going to be okay but um hopefully you won't take it wrong and he said something critical me now I appreciated that he said and I told him I said well look it's it's an interesting perspective you know I don't watch myself you know as a detached third party when I'm doing you know

[21:25] whatever I'm doing in my life and so it's it's really useful for me to have his perspective and I thought a lot about what he said I I haven't quite figured out exactly I haven't drawn any conclusions about it but that's a true friend who will Who will say something to me that maybe uncomfortable for me to hear may seem not nice um but he said it in the spirit

[22:00] of helping me be a better me right and and to me I'm saying me a lot that in from my perspective that is truly kind because he understands the kind of individual I want to be and he's willing to potentially risk the quality of a relationship by helping me do that and likewise for him I same thing and this is for all of my closest friends we we can do this now we don't

[22:35] Club each other over the head with honesty and and this this is this is the I think this is the danger that that I that I think arises when I talk about tough love excuse me got have have another so some people think well tough love means means being you know brutally honest like some people use honesty like a club so they'll say something to another

[23:10] person that's that's very mean and when the person reacts negatively to the comment well I'm just being honest well okay but there's lots of ways to be honest we can be honest in a way that will help our friend hear what we're saying and we can be honest in a way that's like smacking you know punching them in the face uh so that we're using like I said honesty as a club honesty should never be a

[23:45] club honesty should be something that when it's it's uncomfortable when we think it's going to be uncomfortable for them to hear it we we we we deliver it with with empathy with with a sense of understanding hey I I I I need to say something to you or I want to say something to you that may be difficult for you to hear but but I feel as someone who cares about you that it's important for me to

[24:21] say this okay and in fact um one of the one of the things I do um evidently it didn't work in the long term because I'm going through a divorce but uh when I had to say something that I thought my daughter's mother um would find difficult to hear is is I would say to her hey I I I I would like to talk to you about something and can we sit down on the couch and just talk about this for a few minutes

[24:58] and I I'd sit down next to her we' kind of be facing each other and after a while she learned that when I said that it meant there was something I I wanted to discuss with her that maybe difficult for her to hear but it was also difficult for me to say but it was at least from my perspective it was coming from a place of love and a place of wanting to make our relationship better now in general my experience is

[25:38] that with a mature individual they can appreciate that it's hard to deliver tough love that it's something we do reluctantly but it's something that as mature adults we have to do despite our reluctance it's how we make relationships better and so when I think about this question of kind versus nice when we're being kind especially

[26:15] when we're um delivering the tough love part of kindness we still want to layer we want to do so as nicely as we can because we do want the person to be receptive to what we're saying so we want we want to speak [Music] calmly we want to speak carefully we want to let the person know

[26:52] that we care about them and as counterintuitive as that may seem based on what we're about to say it really is coming from a good place on our part and and that's and and and take the time to set the stage so to speak does it work all the time obviously not as I just said we can only do as the best job that we can do but this is this is how I I think we

[27:29] should we should treat people now if someone's being a complete jerk to us you know do we need to treat this person like he's you know an angel no I don't think so I I think the best way is to turn around and just walk away from the person when someone's being a jerk to me that's what I Endeavor to do just turn around and walk away what I find is that bothers them more than if I engage them in you know some kind of screaming or shouting match it's it's hard to do I I I

[28:05] absolutely admit it's hard to do and I don't always do it when I'm out exercising and someone almost runs me down with their car um I I it's it I'm very very challenged to just walk away and I don't always okay you know like you I'm a human being so uh but it would would be it would be the best thing because someone who's being that insensitive is probably not open to me saying to them why are you being an insensitive

[28:41] jerk right they're they're they're not going to hear that um but and and and I I do think that we need to be most concerned about how we treat the people that we care about the most that we're really invested in when we you know in they're in the relationships and despite our our best intentions our best efforts we're not always going to succeed sometimes

[29:17] relationships are going to go through fraught times but hopefully if if we do our best over the long term the relationships will will endure they'll Prosper I know I have friends for uh 50 years in fact my longest standing friend we've known each other for 50 years um unfortunately another friend of mine passed away about a year and a half ago otherwise we would have known each other for 50 years I have many friends I've known for 3040 years

[29:53] they are indeed the most precious aspects of my life and I have new friends too that I maybe I'm not going to know them for 50 years because I probably won't live until I'm over 110 but I could it's certainly possible I'll know them for 10 20 years maybe even 30 years if I live as long as my mother did and and I look forward to that so that's that's my my thoughts on on how to treat people and treating people and I I I would really

[30:29] uh love to hear your thoughts about what I've said uh especially on this idea of the difference between being kind and being nice and how we can develop a better ability to stay true to the way we want to treat people and not be provoked and and and those kind kind of things so so here's to here's to friends here's to relationships here's to people here's to

[31:07] Manhattan nights with my Manhattan and here's to you uh who joined me on this Thursday afternoon to listen to my toward the end of the week ramblings I I deeply deeply appreciate it and uh hope that that you find this of of value so that's uh the show for today and and this is my last show for this week so

[31:44] next week at 10: am Monday is my show trust and Estates weekly don't remember what topic I'm going to be dealing with but it doesn't matter and and the shows will you know spin out for next week so from a much cooler Los Angeles today than we've had for the past week or so I wish you a wonderful wonderful evening hope you got to enjoy uh a cocktail with me by the way if if you want to enjoy

[32:19] the cocktail that I'm mixing so um please go to my website and subscribe to my email list so if you're on my email list you'll get an email uh each each uh for each show letting you know that it's going to be starting soon and the recipe for the cocktails is in that email so uh you know that way you can mix one up for yourself or if you want to mix one up together with me while I'm doing it uh however that works for you you'll you'll be able to get those cocktail recipes

[32:54] and uh and of course always know when a show is coming up and like likewise if you uh subscribe to my YouTube channel the way to W shows um again you'll you'll get a notification when The Show Goes live but the the emails come a couple of hours beforehand so in any event again wishing you a wonderful evening a wonderful rest of the week a restorative weekend uh hoping to see you next week and signing off as I always do Marie

[33:30] you you you know you you were not a cocktail offici a um but you cared about me enough to know that I enjoyed them and so you you are and ever will be my bell courage at all times my friends